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Serenity
I hear the water in the park
I hear the wind in the trees
I hear the sound of a meadow lark
Birds chirping in the distant breeze
Learning to appreciate the simplest things
To most is so unnatural
Next best thing to having wings
Or having a favourite pal
To observe the world around me
"What took me so long?"
To learn to let it be
Simply partake in a song
Surrounded by loved ones
Life has taken a turn
In love I have lost
Now I have won
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
raj
Tue, 2018-10-02 14:35
Hi Julie
it was a pleasure reading this poem.....because as is said "beauty is in simplicity"....in these verses you have truly expressed the serenity of your sentiments...
looking forward to read more of your writes....i know how beautiful Fall is in Canada...which may inspire you to write more...
...................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
Geezer
Tue, 2018-10-02 16:13
Your title...
is a little bland and overworked, but it's okay.
I like that you are a rhymer and your pattern and rhythm are good right up to the last stanza.
At the last, it kind of falls apart! Not worry though, it is definitely worth saving! I like that you wanted to keep it simple and uncluttered. Work that ending a little, do what you did with the rest of this poem and it will be great!
I don't know if you have been welcomed to the site or not, but Welcome to Neopoet! We offer many opportunities to improve your work and advance your knowledge! [Not to mention we have contests every month on different subjects and styles!] Please feel free to ask questions and ask for help whenever you get lost or don't know thw answer. I'm sure that someone will respond! ~ geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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chevyvent
Tue, 2018-10-02 16:30
Enough said you have hit the
Enough said you have hit the head on the proverbial head,
Many seek to honor the conscience by a passing compliment
This poem seeks energy in the way it portrays its art
Thank you for the opportunity in the way to write
Yes life takes a turn as you well put it.
Mario Vitale
Shadowdancer3349
Thu, 2018-10-04 01:12
Title
Is so important it is what brings your readers attention to your poem
look at what you have written then play with the words a more creative original title will surface use it