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Searching for an Inventive Poem

I searched for a poem
in the rising sun, in
the absent moon, in
the darkness of nights,
and high-lighted noon,

in the shops and the streets,
in green medows and weeds,

I searched in the broken shells
and the empty shores, in the
unbeatable forts and
and broken walls.

I searched under the rainbows,
among the clouds,
in the far horizon
where the ocean and the sky bound.

I searched for a poem
And here it's found

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

You got yourself a lovely poem, I enjoyed it thoroughly. My only crit is that it needs tightening up. As in the lines below:

in (the) shops and (the) streets,
in (the) green medows and weeds,

There are far too many "the"s and some other words that could be removed. The title is fine, the whole poem makes sense, I have nothing else to suggest. Good one!

*
*
*
Know then thyself, presume not God to scan,
The proper study of Mankind is Man.
Plac’d on this isthmus of a middle state,
A being darkly wise, and rudely great….

An Essay On Man, III, Alexander Pope.

Your kind suggestion is highly valued.
Many thanks.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

What a gorgeous and very inventive poem I too have found. I couldn't pick a favourite line, I thoroughly enjoyed every last one. Really very clever and a pleasure to read.

Thank you...Teddy

So many thanks for enjoying reading my humble piece.
Can't thank you enough for your kind words.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment

Hello Rula, I also enjoyed your poem very much.
I would take the given advice as well.
Here is my 2 cents for what it is lol
and in the day-lighted noon,
and in the high lighted noon

Bye for now,

~Mark~
To comment is necessary.
To acknowledge a comment is a compliment.

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Always feel flattered when you read my poems.
I edited as you suggested as I really like it.
Highly appreciated.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

I tend to agree with Gracy about the overuse of some of those "the's" but with reservations. After all, you are listing items, and adhering the definite article "the" before nouns is not inappropriate. I would look--at least in this case-- at the overuse of "the" as part of the poem's style. Having said that, yeah, do some weeding, lol. Not too much! You might ruin the pleasing nuance of your poem. Jerry

I tried my best not to ruin it. I appreciate a second read after doing the weed...lol
Thank you!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Hi, Rula,
Sometimes I get "that" feeling when reading a poem - I don't even know the word to describe it, but it's an amazing connection with the very essence of poetry. This poem does that for me. "I searched in the broken shells, in the empty shores." So good...
Thank you!
L

Thank you so much for your kindest words.
Enjoying my poem is the most that might flatter a humble poet like me.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment
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