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In Search Of
In search of love, I'll go out on a limb. In search of friendship, I'll search until time ends. Where there's love that's where I'll be wrapped within it's mystic clouds of happiness so protectively. True love and friendship derives from deep within oneself, so once found, gladly share them with someone else. for all things come freely from the heavenly father above remember this as you go along your journey for whatever you are in search of.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Last few words:
god bless
Editing stage:
Contest:
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Comments
Cloudthings
Tue, 2019-03-19 08:57
Hi Poet
I've been looking through undiscovered works & found this one.
I enjoyed it & wondered if you had intended it all bundled up like that? Just makes it a bit harder to get any rhythm or even context... If you intended this, just ignore, but if I may... what about....
"In search of love, I'll go out on a limb.
In search of friendship, I'll search until time ends.
Where there's love
that's where I'll be wrapped within it's mystic clouds of happiness
so protectively.
True love and friendship derives from deep within oneself,
so once found, gladly share them with someone else.
for all things come freely from the heavenly father above
remember this as you go along your journey
for whatever you are in search of."
In fact if I were to offer a true critique I'd offer this maybe?
In search of love, I'll go out on a limb
In search of friendship, I'll search until time ends
Where there's love I'll be wrapped protectively in mystic clouds of happiness
True love and friendship derives from deep within oneself
once found, gladly share them with someone else
all things come freely from the heavenly father above
remember this along your journey
whatever you are in search of.
Just removed a few words here & there, what do you think, does it read more smoothly now?
Cheers
Anni
My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"