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Scars Like Stars To Guide Us

What if these regrets
Were not quicksand
But stepping stones?

The up instead of down
Button in the elevator?

What if this pain
Was not collateral damage,
But the strategy
For my success?

What if these scars
Were the writing on the wall,
That spoke a better word
Than “mene, mene, tekel, parsin”?

What if I was not found lacking
But instead strong?

What if I grew stronger and stronger
Instead of weaker and weaker?

What if these disappointments
Weren’t vampires
But a blood transfusion?

Directions on a treasure map,
Life-giving lessons,
Though the hurt
Is all too real?

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 


please treat this as my attempt to objectively critique your poem....

if the title was just "Scars as Stars" it would have hidden the content better,,,but by adding "to guide us" it becomes like the nutrition label on food packs telling what is in my opinion keeping it just as Scars as Stars there would be better buy in

raj (sublime_ocean)

thanks for the suggestion, raj! "scars as stars" would be a great title.

author comment

good concept
you worked it out well

BUT, I would leave out the two stanza : "what if I was not found lacking
but instead strong?"

"what if I grew stronger and stronger
instead of weaker and weaker?"

they don't seem to follow the same conceit as the rest of the stanzas
what do you think?

later man,.


good suggestions, al. thank you.

author comment
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