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SAVED

I stared out the window
My brain, completely disengaged
No thoughts, no emotions
But a war was being waged

I could not move or even think
Stood lifeless, as I gazed
But, inside my brain
This awful darkness lazed

Outside the window, light
It seemed so warm and pure
Still, inside my muddied head
A madness did me lure

I could not raise my voice
Could not, say a word
That evil’s lock on me
Seemed to be assured

But then an angel’s voice
So sweetly to me said
Come with me my dear
And let us, go to bed
BOEMS BY JA 583
FOR MY WIFE

Editing stage: 

Comments

It has everything that I like in a poem! One crit. but we will get to that in a minute.
I like the subject matter, the rhythm of it and the twist ending best of all! I think you have a dark-side to you and if we ever get the chat-room back up and running, I am sure that you would love my chat, which is called Chat on the Darkside. Ok, now to the crit. It may be just a little niggling thing, but I see a [blaze] as being something associated with light. I think that you might substitute [haze] for it and you could even leave off the [ed] and it wouldn't matter; you only hear the [aze] part anyhow. Also, the line "But inside my brain" seems just a little off. You might say "But inside my [fuzzy] brain". Still, it's your work and only a suggestion on my part. Nice! ~ Geezer.
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Thank you kindly for your advice and comment.

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