Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Sad life

Moon asks me question while I am sitting silent,
where is she whom you used to talk with,
I still remain silent,
Where is she whom you walked with...

I said listen to my sad story,
there was a girl whom I used to love more than else along,
But now I usually cry all night long,
For whom I did day and night together,
it was my bad luck if she left me something is went wrong,
If she can't remember me in her happiness,
Might remember me in her sadness,
What happened if there is no name of me in her sweet talks,
But might use my name is her bad talks,
I got addicted to her,
I can't forget about her...

It's all about faith who played really well,
Now she doesn't even show her face,
I'm living with her dreams,
And she couldn't remember me,
All I got to say I got addicted to her,
I can't forget about her...

When I hear her name,
my eyes get watery,
From the day you left,
I started writing poetry,
Come back to your Schrey,
he can't live with you,
All he wants to say he can't forget about you...

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
After so long I've written I don't know how it will appear to you. Anyways thank u.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Sometimes I think it got a bit wordy and repetitive, but I enjoyed it!

-- piplup

I appreciate it. Thanks

Schrey
Life is so small so do something special.

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.