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Ripples

I look to the west,
nature dressed in it's best,
setting sun, day not done,
as Millcreek rambles on,
still water, glass mirror,
so clear, it couldn't get clearer,
wind gusts, ripples thrust,
ripples ripple, water jiggles,
the clearness stills away,
your life reflection in dissection,
seeking purpose and direction,
from obscure disparity,
to joyful clarity,
a new day, a new look view,
hard days soon to be few,
so as the ripples become still,
a new reflection, a new future to fill.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
A piece from my first self published chapbook "The White Chair". To see canvas painted for this piece go to Instagram and search for trekkerdekker. It is one of seventeen pieces of my artwork and one of fourteen poems in this book. contact [email protected] if interested in purchase.
Editing stage: 

Comments

this was a very interesting work. I liked the title and it seemed clear all the way through. Of course being a rhymer, I enjoyed the rhyme a lot. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

all worked but the last line which has too many syllables (11) the most in the poem, so makes the finish a bit off.
Otherwise, I get your drift, nice poem

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

to me in this poem rhyme is secondary to a good free verse...it carried me through and through without road blocks...like a well oiled machine...i guess rhyme serves the purpose of oil...a pleasure read...

....

raj (sublime_ocean)

Great write, "Reflected, a new future to fill." would shorten the last line, but will leave that up to your pen,
Yours Ian..

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Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

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