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Rewrite: Aureole burning

That corona garland, worn by few
May be piously brandished by the chosen,

Who by human sleight, in distance gone,
Tried to impress an angry god, with
Good deeds done.

Years have passed, and those left to
Burnish halos above the pews

Grow mute, and faint, inside
The stone façade, outside a fattening Sun,
Bakes the sandstone enclave hard.

The brocade of landscape, drying to brown,
Is burning beyond those sainted gates,

And no one is listening, to those
Pall soaked men that guard
The dying parchments of contrived fate.

I walked among the illuminated passions,
Those paintings lingering in regal blue

And listened to the gathering hate, of those
Outside the walls that shield -
Grow more enraged, in the swelling crowd,

And wait, for the walls to yield.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Last few words: 
A short piece, the meaning of which, I hope, will unravel itself at least a little gracefully to you. Wouldn't want to be labelled a perfidious firebrand ;) - may be the last for a while, hope you enjoy:
Editing stage: 


How men of the cloth wielded power - But their pious was hated and is now just a relic of the past - I don't think I completely understood the poem - but it had a medieval flavour - as seen from the inside of a church.

Fantastic imagery!

Look forward to your reply.

Love Mand xxxx

Hi Mand, thanks for the reply. There is down under, right now (as there has been elsewhere) a lot of controversy and a commission of inquiry in to the conduct of the Church, and other organisations, in years past. As mentioned in a previous reply, I didn't want the imagery and sense of the poem to be grievous and clumsy, but more, to convey that seething agitated wariness that people have, with the way they've conducted themselves over the years, which is really appalling.
I had a couple of ideas sort of drawn together here, one being the withering Church, and the other being the withering drying land - more the drought, and the literal thirst of the land for water, held in dams (another political rabbit hole - politics of water) and the thirst of people for justice, or at least unjust acts to be acknowledged and properly acted on.

The image of the Aureole (literally the burning halo), above the ordinary people comes from those stained glass windows in the stations of the cross you see depicted in smaller churches. I almost called it 'Aureloe Blueing' reflecting the blueing action of heat, and also the colour blue is significant in the iconography of the Church, and earlier traditions, signifying royalty - something you see extend even to this day (think royal blue - and the Virgin Mary, often seen as having a royal lineage, also depicted in blue). It's kind of ironic, because I think that a lot of people, even atheist or agnostic people, would be the first to say that they find the architecture and the atmospheres of a cool, quiet country chapel, quite beautiful. It just stands there humbly, in sharp contrast, in terms of humility to the organisation that claims to represent them.

Anyway, enough babbling from me, hope it gives you a sense of where I was coming from. I'm slow to reply, so apologies there! Also, slow to write things. But more to come soon. Will go and check out some of your stuff now.

Cheers, and take care.


Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

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