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Retro pining boxes

When I was a younger man
I wanted to break all of the rules.
When I was a younger fool
I broke all of the rules
that didn't need to be broken.
Now here I sit
a younger man's old fool
while death waits around the corner
like a long lost brother.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 


Death row must be a long wait, a good short write on things gone so wrong,
Yours Ian

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thank you, sir for taking the time to read and comment. Appreciate the compliment.


author comment

I love the theme here, and the slam-dunk way it is delivered adds some real zing to the piece. The flow is consistent enough to make the poem readable, and the word usage blows me away!

Glad you were able to stop by and have a read and honored you would leave such kind words.



author comment

I enjoyed the way this circled back in time from considering others a fool to realizing who the fool really is. One of your better ones.........stan

Thank you sir


author comment

five "I's"

I am who
I am when
I am where
I am why
I am what

the order may be disarranged

the poem is strong
like an interesting hand
and I delve its simplicity
and complexity
evolving the words...

swirling still
a challenge to offer
a critique for the
smooth vesper of work

an offering
which can be swept aside
at the whim
of reader....

ten days i sat
and if i dont behave
in One Hundred and Ninety
shall suffer the wrath
more thrice and then some

subterfuge of the depths

"I was a younger man
when I wanted all the
broken rules
I was an older fool
dedicated to the rules

Sit now
I'm near!

My brother Death
around a curve
a breath I didnt
need to hear.."

Hey Scott reworked this one all

We had shakespeare...
I mean grade thirteen had his records
from stratford
and we in grade nine stoner level had
him onward..

I got thrust into the bottom
due to math issue

where I belonged anyway
teetering on the edge of
its own made madness

five points is a star

symbology important to me

anyway......working this poem
just my suggestions
something completely different
though eh?

Thank You!

Art is open to interpretation. I invite everyone to mold it as they may. I enjoyed your changes for they offer me a different view of my own scenery.



author comment
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