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Remembrace of a loved one

How you have fought so hard & fierce
My one truest love is gone from here
A challenge to be free is a question of time
My one solution is using my mind

Living on the edge & it's going to my head
Sitting up at night all alone in bed
Following the rainbow to the sky
I see a crystal clear vision of you pass me by

Our war were in is almost over
It's so hard to believe I lost a lover

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Last few words: 
A challenge to be set free is only a question in time
Editing stage: 

Comments

great words to live by

Mario Vitale

author comment

A neat short write:-
This seems like you have written a test piece to see if we can pick up on things.
First Stanza could rhyme and flow better here you have to make up your mind which form to use and stick to it throughout your complete poem..
The lines:-
How you have fought so hard & fierce
Living on the edge & it's going to my head
The use of & is lazy and not needed.
In the first line it can be used in its normal way, the second & is not required so can be removed.
Our war were in is almost over.
This line , the use of "were" is not correct, the English language has many traps in words that are spelt the same and mean something else or just wrong, if in doubt use the computers word system it will show you the variety.

The words were, we're, and where are easily confused because they have similar sounds and spellings. They are not homophones, however, and their meanings are quite different.
(a) _We're_____ going to Savannah for St. Patrick's Day.
(b) We don't know __where____ we'll be staying.
(c) Last year we _were_____ forced to sleep in the van.
I hope this short workshop of critique is OK by you and will start out the journey of learning with us here.
Yours, Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

a part kind of sonnet
would have been born
technically
I know not
but rhyme it does

Thank you for the kindness that you have expressed with my poetry.
Best regards,
Mario

Mario Vitale

author comment

Very strong words & constructive writing

Mario Vitale

author comment

Sparrow wrote a long and thoughtful comment on your work. It behooves you to at least acknowledge this with some kind of response.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
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