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ragged ann
under virgin white aprons and forget-me-not dresses
bloomers beneath the knees
raggedy anns all hide their hearts
while some little girl holds them tight at night
in the absence of light, safe and secure
unaffected courageous little stuffed dolls
same appearance in shape and form
your mistresses sit you in the exact same place
in the morning, alone, while the day goes by
and then hold you safe in the darkness again
sleeping with you in the closet
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Geezer
Sat, 2019-12-14 11:25
Never having had...
a comfort doll or blanket etc. I don't know the feeling first hand, but I have seen the effects. I felt this one. Your title is good, giving me a feeling of the length of time that cuddling with this doll has been.
Your language is good, not using big words or words that one has to think about he meaning. Your pacing was even and didn't leave me hanging anywhere. The theme was interesting and flowed well from beginning to end. I do feel that it would have been really effective in rhyme; maybe that's just me feeling like rhyme is good for poems with or for children in them. ~ Geezer.
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cathy mccormick
Sat, 2019-12-14 14:01
some of this was similar to
some of this was similar to an older poem i did use rhyme in. i will post it sometime. but i was not talking about children necessarily. i am referring to molestation.
author commentcathy mccormick
Sat, 2019-12-14 14:09
let me clarify. this of
let me clarify. this of course is about children, namely the sexual abuse of a little girl... but not a poem for children. i will find the one written in rhyme and try to post tonight
author commentGeezer
Sun, 2019-12-15 11:14
I didn't...
pick up on that! Sorry, but there was only one thing that should have tipped me off. It was the reference to the bloomers beneath the knees. I thought it an odd reference to a child as rather an adult. The other thing that might have brought it to attention, was the sleeping in the closet; but again, it slipped by as maybe something about having nightmares. [Certainly, having been molested would bring those on!]
Just a tad oblique. Now that, you have explained, it all makes sense!. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.