Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

purpose

alive, and do tomorrow, isn’t fixed
as none have knowledge when their time will be
for every dawn the world is missing some
and empty chairs at tables multiply

and so departures keep on through the years
and many times the cut is close to home
my greatest fear I’ll share with you today
to still be here when all I love have gone

but somehow comes new life, new friends, new fancies
as through this world we travel on our quest
and meetings, partings mayhap have a purpose
the separation cycle may exist

to show the order underlying chaos
the new beginning there in every end
.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

This one is a lovely peek at life. Nice theme.

Alid

- no comment about the sonnet?
I really would like your opinion - you know enough about them now after the WS
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I wished I could but there are some words that I need to recheck wether it is stressed or not. One good example is in my own poem " A Message To A Friend, following Rula's suggestion. I always thought that words in past tense are stressed but Rula suggested the word "stretched" as one of the unstressed. then words "like", even though I used them as unstressed, I am still uncertain. I still have a long way to go before I am comfortable and confident in this form.

I would say however I like the way your volta flows smoothly in this piece.

Alid

was possibly tired and mis-stressed 'stretched'
I would say it would in most cases, if not all, be stressed

I'd have to think a bit about the idea that all past tense words are stressed or not... but I do think you have to be careful with 'rules'..... in the English language, especially, there are many exceptions.... a contrary animal, the English language :)

xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I think I said and stressed on the fact that ALL verbs are STRESSED.
Can you lead me to where I said this Khalid, please?
There are cases where the suffix (the add to the word) is unstressed, like for example
PRESENTed- but streched is absolutely a one STRESSED syllable word. :)

A word like "like" can be both, a functional word to mean "as", then it is unstressed
but if it is a verb like in " I like to read" it is then again a verb, and it is stressed.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

https://www.neopoet.com/comment/117645#comment-117645

However this doesn't mean I don't make unintentional mistakes :)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

my mistake. Its not stretched but the word before it in that comment. "ravaged" Its in the same comment.

Alid

That's a worthwhile crit - that you felt the volta flowed. One always needs to know if the volta is strong enough, so it was helpful. You don't necessarily need to crit the stress - just crit what you know.
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

because it sounded perfect to my inner ear. I'm trying really hard to be the Shark I invented. I'm sure if I parsed this properly I could find an imperfection, but parsing is boring, hard work, and to my inner and outer ear this is perfect.
My only problem is the reference to riverJordan, such a prosaic mythological reference has no place in a poem as sensitive and attuned as this is.
Wonderful work.
https://soundcloud.com/user536630132/purpose-by-judyanne

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

for the soundcloud read
and for the supportive comment
I didn't like that line either - don't know what got into me - I've changed it
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Loved reading and hearing Jess read this poem, excellent, Love Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Thank you very much
I'm actually a bit surprised people like it as I really wasn't sure the theme wasn't a bit 'oh yeah so what' .... so glad you liked this
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Some take aways for me from this sonnet:-

1. Clever use of new 3 times in one verse
2. using "mayhap" I never knew such a fusion of may happen is valid

what else can i say? one more lesson in sonnet from a sonneteur (is that a valid word?) ...i care not if it is or not..it certainly expresses what i mean...:)

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

You are so more than kind to me
And I'm glad that you got some tips with my work - that is a very big compliment
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

This one is great and a joy to read, the subject is a passing phase we all have, how will I cope IF.
Then you realise that there is a continuance to life or even after. the junction is most times not seen or felt, just a transition to another place.
Take care, yours as always, Ian

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Thank so much for the read and lovely comment
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

then I reread it
and found twas

great views of coming dawns
newer morns
and freshly born

when within us our life has gone
at times we will be the last forlorn
but then destiny preordained
cannot be torn
do convert my waffle
if you may
as a sonnet
some day
one day

I would love to convert one of your poems to a sonnet loved
Thanks for the visit
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

read my latest here

''thorn of rose'''

this has been applauded by most
you may squeeze in
a sonnet of it
if you have another in mind
please do it

a touching blank verse sonnet. I see the workshop has increased your appetite for sonnets. I am unable to fairly comment on them. Lol.
No suggestions BTW. One line with a half foot more only, but who cares when the write is soooooo beautiful.
Keep penning. I am enjoying every read. " I can read the write" LOL

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

feminine lines - quite legal.
in fact used for purpose - to make the reader pause, usually

you must not be so anti them.... they are useful, and I use them a lot
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

when used in the right place, it is very useful. I might not have mentioned this in the workshop for a purpose. We wanted everyone to know the strict form of it before breaking the rules.
Thank you.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

I knew that - it was mentioned a few times
but this isn't in the WS ;)
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I throw up my hands in despair lol. You make it seem so darn easy. I didn't even realize it was a sonnet until I saw that rhyming couplet at the end. But I have one suggestion anyway. In line one my mind says the only comma needed is between do and tomorrow (unless you are using punctuation to manipulate stresses). Liked the subject and the poem.............stan

for the great and supportive comment
I'm not really sure that I need a comma there... I try to avoid as much punctuation as I can... I'll think on it - maybe someone else will give an opinion on that....
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I mean, like, wow.
This is what happens when we master the form and then allow license to speak what we intended.
This is beautiful and I have no problems with it poetically.
Also, my father in law (whom I love) is 92 and healthy. It's cutting close soon.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

I'm blushing
Thank you very much
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

i was looking for such an offer

read my latest here

''thorn of rose'''

this has been applauded by most
you may squeeze in
a sonnet of it
if you have another in mind
please do it

All done - on 'a beautiful life going waste'

xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.