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Pulling The Green Chain
Fish tail, fish tail, half sheet,
working the green chain heat,
full sheet, fish tail, fish tail,
feeling good as the morning sails,
half sheet, half sheet, full sheet,
standing all day long on your feet,
full sheet, full sheet, time to change the cart,
the conveyor runs all day with just one start,
full sheet, half sheet, half sheet,
the green chain never stops,
the chain moves fast,
no time for talk,
fish tail, fish tail, half sheet,
defined fifty eight year old drinker Pete,
fish tail, fish tail, fish tail,
full bladder, time to bail,
half sheet, half sheet, full sheet,
lunchtime horn sounds, time to eat.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
This piece is about working in a planer mill in British Columbia, in 1974 during the summer. The terms tail, and sheet were the layers of laminate for plywood.
Editing stage:
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Comments
Eumolpus
Mon, 2018-02-12 18:14
In the 70's
"motion poems" were popular. Did you write it then? I have some from those years, very similar, repeating words, building phrases, creating a poem "in motion" about a subject.
Yours is well done, but seems archaic to me, like a cubist painting, or minimal music by Steve Reich.
.
I do not know how many of the younger audience would remember that time, but it was one of the many forces in poetry that ultimately lead to the rap styles of today. I think it's good to revive, but at the risk of not looking fresh in 2018.
...
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings