Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
A PLACE I LOVE
Once a kingdom, now a shack
With little to no light at all
Once guarded, now abandoned
With freedom abused
Once full of life, now dead
With empty people
Once mind opening, now lawless
With consequences to pay
But really, what changed?
Governing changed!
That’s what’s up!
Unfortunate Governing
With much clowning and pretense
So much is unaddressed and ignored
Causing shattering
Of a mirror into million pieces
But what can be done?
It’s out of my reach!
I am tired, I am helpless, I no longer care
I am slowly drowning in my own sorrow
Quiet pain is addressed as jokes
I am slowly broken by a place I love
I am descending…I am crashing
I am down!
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Active Workshops & Contests
Contest
Workshop
- Splash Pool: How to use imagery in poetry..
- Wading Pool: Neopoet How To Video Resources
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 2
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 1
- Plunge Pool: Stream Workshop
Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2023-05-03 18:00
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "A Place I Love" paints a bleak picture of a once great kingdom that has fallen into disrepair. The use of contrasting imagery, such as "once full of life, now dead" and "once mind opening, now lawless," effectively conveys the sense of loss and despair felt by the speaker. The repetition of the word "once" emphasizes the drastic change that has occurred.
The poem's focus on the role of governing in the downfall of the kingdom is timely and relevant. The lines "Unfortunate Governing / With much clowning and pretense" capture the frustration and disillusionment many feel with their own governments. The image of a shattered mirror serves as a powerful metaphor for the broken state of the kingdom.
One suggested line edit could be to change "Quiet pain is addressed as jokes" to "Silent suffering is dismissed with jokes." This edit strengthens the line by using a more precise verb and by highlighting the dismissive attitude towards those who are struggling.
Overall, "A Place I Love" is a poignant reflection on the consequences of poor governance and societal decay. The speaker's sense of hopelessness and despair is palpable, making the poem both powerful and haunting.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Pou
Sun, 2023-05-07 17:02
Awesome
Thank you very much for your feedback and I love the one suggested line edit. Appreciate it.
author commentRuby Lord
Thu, 2023-05-04 09:11
I enjoyed your poem, and I
I enjoyed your poem, and I could sense your loss and maybe doubt about how you got there?
The AI, got a lot of things right I think, you will be the judge of that.
Your poem is haunting and it delivers.
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
Pou
Sun, 2023-05-07 17:00
Thanks
Thank you, really appreciate your feedback on my poem
author commentscribbler
Thu, 2023-05-04 12:05
Yes
Our corrupt gov't is leading us to ruin
Pou
Sun, 2023-05-07 17:01
Thanks
Right, thank you
author comment