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The Phantom Menace...
Twitter, twitter little birdie
Fly so high while you still can
Before they take away your toys
Make you grow up, act the man
Spin it, lie and tell half-truths
Make each story all about you
Poor me, you see, "I didn't know"
No matter what, it's what you do
Daddy's boy can't take rejection
He wants them all to love him so
Despots, tyrants and ruling kings
He'll kiss their ass, make a show
Oh, Lord help us, if he wins again
He'll be hell on wheels, like dear Dennis
Darth Vader look out, he'll take your job
He will be the Phantom Menace
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Hannah Moonlark
Fri, 2020-01-10 22:36
I think this poem is amazing,
I think this poem is amazing, except for the second paragraph. I think you should delete it.
Geezer
Sat, 2020-01-11 19:26
Afer careful consideration...
and reading another comment, I agree, that verse is not needed. Thank you. ~Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Geezer
Sat, 2020-01-11 19:29
Thank you Sir...
When I get two critiques/comments to the same effect, I take heed. I re-read and read and decided that I really didn't need that second verse, Thank you again. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.