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Permanent Solution

(to Claire - trust works both ways)

You offered me pennies for my thoughts.
Are they even worth that much? Are they worth a thing at all?!
Why is this even a question? I did not accept.
I could not accept. I pay you for my words.
That is the game we play,
like children bouncing balls off checkered squares on rounded walls.
At times we miss. At times they strike us.
It hurts. It doesn't hurt.
Yes,
It hurts a lot.
I came to you to protect my words
and still I am hurting.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

This is not your best. Too much variation in its meter makes it a tad choppy. However, the language use is still up to your par.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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My apologies, sir. I have been just posting hot-off-the-press. I will get to work on the scansion.

Scott

author comment

At some point, I need to get with you to learn meter that allows two accented syllables next to one another. Please and Thank you.

Scott

author comment

http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/find/archive
You will find many previous workshops on meter that provide invaluable information and examples.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Thank you sir

Scott

author comment

Two accented syllables one after another and perfectly acceptable. A Pyrrhic foot is two unaccented syllables. Dactyl is an accented syllable followed by two unaccented and Anapest is two unaccented followed by an accented.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Scott

I got lost a little in the explanations above big smile, but I will say from my uneducated opinion

that this is a damn fine poem I look forward to reading the edits

love Jayne x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Not certain how I missed your comment on this one. Sometimes I am stuck using my phone for the site for long periods of time and I don't always see when people have commented.

As always, appreciate you stopping by, having a read and offering your opinion. Hope you are feeling well these days.

Scott

author comment

It may need tweaking, but I myself, can offer no great suggestions to help, would that I could! To me, it reads well as is, but to the more educated in poetic lore, I suppose it may lack something! At any rate, just stopped by to read this and offer my meager kudos and say howdy!

Appreciate you stopping by and offering your opinion.

Scott

author comment

And howdy back to ya

Scott

author comment
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