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People Always Leave

meeting and falling in love
fighting until push comes to shove
crying until you have had enough

feeling as though anything can be achived
things escalate until neither of you are pleased
trying to pick up the pieces as you grieve

seeing someone everyday for all that time
you whole life changes at the drop of a dime
someone you love has just finised their climb

the feeling that you will never be rejected
sometimes feeling and others not feeling accepted
you hit that point when you feel all together neglected

he wanted to be here, he wanted to stay
she couldnt take it anymore, had to get away
whether we or they wanted it or not.......

God has taken them away
this is what i want to say
my opinion will never faulter or sway

because.........

PEOPLE ALWAYS LEAVE

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

the plain old fact of life that we all try to shut out and get over everyday

I wish that all the happiness i once felt would make all the pain that i now feel go away!! </3

author comment

lots of typos in there, but that's easily fixed. the line-
'sometimes feeling and others not feeling accepted'
confuses me. maybe a word was left out?
good piece, tho.
so nullus anxietas

the_fool

I realize that there were a lot of cliches in the poem as well and had the same forethought....i then decided that since the title subject was cliche in itself, i left them for artistic affect. i was wondering however, if it was noticable. so thank you so much for you suggestion, i felt it deseved a response.

I wish that all the happiness i once felt would make all the pain that i now feel go away!! </3

author comment

nice flow, i like how the title and theme came into perspective at the ending. the cliches are well used though i agree with whats already said by Beau. your poetic talent shines in this piece.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry ~American Renga~ Free Verse, Western, Modern, etc ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka, Renga All Neopoets are welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing fun.

nice flow, i like how the title and theme came into perspective at the ending. the cliches are well used though i agree with whats already said by Beau. your poetic talent shines in this piece.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry ~American Renga~ Free Verse, Western, Modern, etc ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka, Renga All Neopoets are welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing fun.

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