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Pastoral Poem Number One (Pastoral Poetry WS)

I close my eyes and hear it beckon me
recumbent countryside of being’s realm
a voice that whispers, come, be city free
with such desire, my heart is overwhelmed

to leave the dank and dirty urban street
its people tired, too busy much to care
to find a place with friendly souls to meet
and taste and feel and smell the rural air

see animated murals as they form
feel ever-changing landscapes, as they push
intensely fragrant pure ambrosial storm
from multispectral flowers of the bush

watch setting summer suns that throw their light
all over wheat-filled oceans made of gold
that wave so gently, right to left, then right
a perfect shot for nature’s centrefold

and while the damp of twilight quells the fuse
enjoy horizon’s ever moving show
as, slowly, all the changing, softening hues
diminish down to just a fiery glow

with perfect background, iridescent tints
so paint the vista, using rainbow beams
as sinking heat reflects, it simply glints
then slowly fades to grey. Apollo dreams

while clutching Lady Night’s black velvet cloak
the panorama deepens, darkness creeps
and shades of starlit shadow now invoke
a sweet surrender yield, as nature sleeps

then sight will turn to crowds of twinkling gems
within a jewelled, giant serpent’s arc
that soars above, in heaven’s diadems
each bauble sending out a flawless spark

to know suburban’s neon, then the glen’s
it’s obvious, address it with a sigh -
one can’t but help compare His work to Men’s
then stare in silent wonder at the sky
.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

How could I possibly critique such a thing?
I can only adore it.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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for the very kind words
**** blushing again ****
You'll give me a swelled head if you keep this up :)
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Good example of combining urban with traditional pastoral. Only complaint is the title......snicker lol....stan

But I don't care, as it saved me thinking up a title :)
But now, on second thoughts, I maybe could've done something with the cat theme - I think I'll work on it - would that make you happy?
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Query: does this form [pastoral] demand the abab rhyme sequence?

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

'Pastoral' refers to the genre
Check it out in the dictionary
It is an old form - romanticising nature, the rural life and God
Of course, in the 'old days' it was written in form, as we hadn't invented free form or met the Japanese back then ....
These days it can be any form
It is simply supposed to give the reader an 'all is right with the world' feeling,
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

thanks as always for your inputs...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Don't tell her I'm saying it again, but I think she's incredibly useful as well.

Raj, why haven't you signed up for the Meter Workshop? It's to be held in the Wading Pool and deal with basic meter. I think it might answer some questions for you.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

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