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THE PARODY OF OUR LAW HERALDS

Submitted by Olaniyi Beloved... on Tue, 2017-06-20 07:00

I see them around negatively gross
They pretend to be carrying our cross
All applauds them for fetching us loss
And continuously acquiring wealth being a boss
The parody of our law heralds

They often fight to finish
Not minding the soul that perish
Their communities cry in anguish
Yet putting out treatments very brutish

Policies to our favour they waylay
Laws to their advantage they relay
Coming together at all times to display
Drama acted to us they replay

When will our democracy come to be?
How can the masses get the key?
Who will lead by example for us to see?
What is the way out to be free?

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

wesley snow

Tue, 2017-06-20 19:55

wesley snow's picture
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I hope you use the site for what it is intended. To be critiqued to improve your poetry and (most important) to critique to aid others.
One suggestion then...
The rhyme structure is throughout save the first stanza. I miss it. It should cover the poem. It starts it and should start the rhyme structure.
Otherwise, it is a good poem with an interesting perspective.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Eumolpus

Tue, 2017-06-20 11:14

Eumolpus's picture

I recently came across a poetry book by Wole Soyinka, Nigerian poet, The book I have is from 1972, and if you are not aware of this poet, look him up! He was also a political poet, which landed him in jail for a few years. You will learn a lot about the magic and passion of words from him. He gets into the very guts of the brutality of government.
We here in the USA now have our shame to deal with as our current regime is putting us back after generations of progress. You are not alone. Most of the world suffers from corrupt, greedy and dysfunctional governments.
That said, your goal is to write the best poetry you can, and express the deepest imagery from you and only you. Try not to be general, be personal.
welcome.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

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