Neopoet

Fri, 2020-06-26 00:26

Dear Rula

I just love what you are doing here,

The grass is never greener, in reality you can move a thousand miles and more and still see the same people and have the same problems in life. I hope you are on the better side of the grass in Palestine sweet Rula, if that's even possible?
You are trying to say the sky is sad as in blue? I would use grey it gives it more darkness but I see you have rhymed it! So maybe wait for some more ideas

Thank you...Teddy

Sat, 2020-06-27 10:03

Dear teddy

I'll keep the grey color in mind for a more dark mood.
Thank you!

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author comment

Sat, 2020-06-27 10:15

Dear Rula

I wonder though,
the cattle are less happy,
the sky too~
It's blue

So the cows are sad but the sky is what we are all under so therefore blue? As in the colour? As hope?

Thank you...Teddy

Sat, 2020-06-27 10:24

The cattle...

Perhaps should be the herd? I wanted the people who live there under the occupation.

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author comment

Sat, 2020-06-27 10:31

Dear Rula

I think cattle works well.

Thank you...Teddy

Sat, 2020-06-27 10:32

Both

The sky and the people are under occupation, so sadness is the general mood there.

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author comment

Sat, 2020-06-27 10:44

Dear Rula

Now it's clear. Thank you for your patients! I can explain that blue sky is generally used in positive light that's why. Blu have you thought of using without the (e) Just a Thought

Thank you...Teddy

Sat, 2020-06-27 12:00

In this case

I think changing to gray is more accurate I believe.

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author comment

Sat, 2020-06-27 12:24

Dear rula

It's a play on the word so it is blu but without the e so there is a defect,like the sky in the poem ask someone cleverer than me but it could work. Then it's powerful. It's up to you it's your poem

Thank you...Teddy

Sun, 2020-06-28 16:13

I like

the play of words, but then I fear that the reader would think it a typo.

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author comment

Sun, 2020-06-28 16:22

Dear Rula

I agree, but if you don't try you will never know, I think the more we.stretch our comfort zone the more we learn about ourselves. But I do see what you mean. You have to be comfortable with your poetry.

Thank you...Teddy

Fri, 2020-06-26 04:25

Dearest Teddy

Knowing that I live in Jordan (on the other side of Jordan river) does that help understanding in any way?
You are not far though.
Thanks for your everlasting encouraging words dear.

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author comment

Fri, 2020-06-26 04:54

Dear Rula

Jordan, it's a great place for olive trees and Cyprus's if I'm not mistaken?

Thank you...Teddy

Fri, 2020-06-26 16:35

Dear Teddy

Jordan is well known for the best olive trees and olive oil, so you're totally right dear Teddy but this is just part of the story.
I thank you truely.

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author comment

Sat, 2020-06-27 08:47

Dear Rula

I so appreciate you have the best olives and oil, I live in Tuscany, we are both surrounded by the most valued scenery.

Thank you...Teddy

Sat, 2020-06-27 09:45

Italy too

Is well known for olives.. I believe!

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author comment

Geezer

Fri, 2020-06-26 13:27

I am...

thinking, that you have seen the cattle on the 'other side' and don't think that the grass is any greener or the sky any bluer. ~ Geezer.
.

Honest critique and comments shouldn't hurt.
It's why we are here, to get better at our craft.

Fri, 2020-06-26 16:50

Dear Geezer

Things to admit,
First, this little piece is born as a result of the title workshop. I found out that titles could inspire real poems.

Second, Jordan and Palestine were one land with only river Jordan to separate them, but the fact that Palestine is greener is true, it's soil is more fertile.

Third, the cattle here represnts the people of Palestine,
and they're unhappy as well as the sky all because of the occupation.

Hope I make it clearer.

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author comment

Geezer

Sat, 2020-06-27 08:40

I did not...

know that in fact, Palestine is greener! That notion did not even enter into my mind. Yes, it is clearer now. Thank you, ~ Geez.
.

Honest critique and comments shouldn't hurt.
It's why we are here, to get better at our craft.

lovedly

Fri, 2020-06-26 18:14

my comment flew with

the flu lol

Mon, 2020-06-29 12:26

Flue... Flew

Why?

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author comment

Mon, 2020-06-29 12:27

Does

Not blue or less blue work better?

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author comment

Mon, 2020-06-29 12:29

Dear Rula

I would use this or something along this
(And so is the sky)

Thank you...Teddy

Mon, 2020-06-29 12:39

Yeah

I think this clears the confusion dear Teddy!
Can't thank you enough for keeping me on the right track!
Appreciate your help dear.

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author comment

Mon, 2020-06-29 12:53

Dear Rula

That's it! Wonderful and so clear now.
It was my pleasure working with you! Anytime!!!

Thank you...Teddy

Mon, 2020-06-29 12:40

Sorry

for the echooooo

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author comment

Edna Sweetlove

Mon, 2020-07-06 14:37

It is sad that...

...Palestine is denied statehood and decency by the Israelites and their American stooges.
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

Wed, 2020-07-08 16:49

Edna!

Never enough to feel sorry.
Palestinian never stop fighting for their freedom.
Thank you for reading and the sympathy though.

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author comment

Edna Sweetlove

Wed, 2020-07-08 20:12

The Israelites...

...need a good THRASHING.
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

raj

Tue, 2020-07-07 12:26

Hi Rula

Liked thee verses...

be well...take best care...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Wed, 2020-07-08 16:50

Dear Raj

Thank you! I am so happy to see you on my page.

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