Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Outlands

Submitted by Ian.T on Sat, 2013-03-30 08:42

It was late in history
the cities had flourished,
grown into bound structures.
Bounded by reflective walls.

Our England had shrunk
Into blobs of black glass
Surrounded by tilled land
The realm of machines

The out lands of growth
Machine controlled
Control from the city
Operators playing games

A game called survival
Between each city a link
The new inter city way
Compartmented travel

London to everywhere
City linked to city
Spaces of beauty kept
The in betweens of scenery

Fast travel nothing seen
Slow as fields past by
Trees kept aside the route
A foolish afterthought

Most knew of out life
The machines ruled
We needed nothing more
We became content

It was our end time

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
My cave is inside the city wall.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Serendipity

Sat, 2013-03-30 10:07

Serendipity's picture

I am in bed but I decided to read this before logging out

I have many thoughts on this I will return tomorrow

Deep and very serious

Love always Jc xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Ian.T

Sat, 2013-03-30 10:09

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

I hope your dream time fills your ways, tomorrow wake to better days..
Night Night x

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Serendipity

Sun, 2013-03-31 08:30

Serendipity's picture

This is a deep and serious poem, the imagery is wonderful and I found it a pleasure to read

This also shows a whole other side to your writing, I really enjoyed the change of pace, something I am doing myself

love always Jayne-Chloe xxx

p.s Hope your having a wonderful Easter

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

loved

Sat, 2013-03-30 11:32

loved's picture

wouldn't you like to share England as
OUR s,,,..

loved

Ian.T

Sat, 2013-03-30 13:40

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

It is a pleasure to share England with you lol, not sure about MY Cave though lol, I could make you one next door, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

loved

Sat, 2013-03-30 16:39

loved's picture

u shared it

loved

Frenchf

Sun, 2013-03-31 06:11

This is different Nd great but shouldn't it be inter city travel?

A game called survival
Between each city a link
The new iter city way
Compartmented travel

Ian.T

Sun, 2013-03-31 09:26

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

Thanks for your read and comment there was a slight spell error there, but I will retain the Inter City Way as I talked about other ways of travel between cities, and it was a future thing and maybe that's what they will call it, instead of link..
Thanks again for your attention to detail, it is much needed as I write and send without reading properly, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.