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in that orchard

paddock the pillage of sailing flowers
dreaming that they dropped asleep
lapel in shrewd courtesy
as a coat of cold pillory
punishment in a shack tenement
where floors dull wasted petals
cheap metals have they become
colour dried with frail polish
they are let to rot away

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
the metals are the coffin of the dead, in an eternal dream
Editing stage: 


I find this compelling, It reads to me of children that have been killed ("paddock the pillage of sailing flowers") by some unnatural event. This line in particular makes me think of blood spewed on the ground; "colour dried with frail polish"
This is a good read in very good metaphors.
enjoyed the read, It kind of called me back to read it again, because the words stood in my head.

Eddie C.


Reminds me of a book "The flowers in the attic", where some children were held in an attic for many years without having contact,
Although your story is of death maybe the flowers are the same.
It is harder for many to equate your writing with our western ways, you in your country will have seen more things, that would shake a few to tears if only they were told, and could even realise the truth that is there day to day.
Emeka, you say you are from a place in Nigeria, if only you could show to all the real ways of the Nigerian peoples.
You have the power of words and you are there, I would love to know more.
I lived in Africa for many years, it is hard to equate Africa with our spoilt ways here and things we take for granted.
Go well young man of Abuja, I see you,
Yours Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Some very interesting lines here that exude a lot of imagery. I never imagined a pillory as a coat; I like it described as something worn. And it is the little words that can make all the difference-"let" to rot away. Sounds almost forgiving. Left, to rest.

in the first two lines, I get a strong sense of a graveyard(paddock) of "stolen"(pillage) lives(sailing flowers).

From there on it seems that perhaps the dead are not so innocent. Lapels, I'm assuming, is a synecdoche for their suits and when you say that the suits are a courtesy it seems like maybe the dead were undeserving of their adornments. Then, comparing the suits to pillories reinforces my interpretation: A graveyard of criminals. And, as I mentioned, the last line almost demonstrates some forgiveness.

That is my take anyhow! Really did love the read!



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