Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

ONE WINDY DAY (humor in poetry shop)

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
while suffering badly with gas
hoping that it would muffle the buffer
whenever she let the gas pass.

Just as she started to strain
the bad wolf happened by
so she clamped down on her gastric pain
then turned up her eyes to the sky.

The hungry wolf caught her right up
and headed toward home
saying he'd have her over to sup
(and this ain't the end of this tome)

The Muffet was scared of her coming fate
yet still a lady you see
so she clenched up her cheeks deciding to wait
not letting discomfort run free.

They passed near by a dairy
with its own type bouquet
which was owned by the tooth fairy
but the fairy was gone for the day.

A unicorn flashed past so fast
Miss Muffet had no time to call
until the horny horse had passed
and disappeared into the pall.

The wolf went to a muddy stream
whose bridge sheltered an ornery troll
ornery but a coward 'twoud seem
(perhaps he heard Muff's stomach roll)

Lady Muffet stayed brave
one trick left that she might use
when, at last, they reached the wolf's cave
and wolf said that she could choose

"i can eat you baked or raw
while you're live or dead,
both ways will see you in my craw."
And this is what Miss Muffet said :

"Let me stand next to the fire
and turn my frightened back to you
so I'll not see you when I expire."
So she turnd, she bent over and blew.

All the methane hit the flame
the wolf became just a cinder
lactose intolerance to blame
with all the curds and whey within her.

The three pigs all rest easy now
Not only wolves blow houses down
When muffet swallows liquids from a cow
she can easily level a whole town.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 


Two funny

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

Give another meaning to windy gay doesn't it? lol.........Thanks for dropping by.....stan

author comment

Very funny stan
Interesting that having foreknowledge from the first stanza as to what the ending was going to be seemed to enhance the humor
Love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I had considered a surprise ending but decided that letting things build up( so to speak) would match the story line better lol. Glad you got a smile from it......stan

author comment

Gaseous Miss muffet! - the new weapon of war! Lol Very funny Stan made me laugh! :) I'll be smiling for the rest of the day! he he

Love to you

Mand xxxxxx

Best to avoid miss Muffet and her tuffet when she eats dairy products lol............stan

author comment

A first class WMD, how do we contact her, though the UN may freeze it for a while..
Great write, Yours Ian.

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Wind of Mass Destruction? But she can't use her talent in war as gas is against the Geneva convention lol...stan

author comment

oh boy this was hilarious
I have stopped laughing yet

it was well worth the wait

Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

Don't inhale too deeply while laughing there might be residual traces still hanging around this stinker lol.......stan

author comment

Alright... laugh out loud disgusting, but disgusting it is.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program

I am dismayed! I thought this might become a classic lmao.....stan

author comment
(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.