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One Small Word
It takes so little
to feel unloved.
One small word.
A disapproving glare.
The subtle shake of the head.
It all saturates, then floods
the fragile frame
where we store our souls.
The breaking of our bones,
so to speak,
when, after our souls drown
we are left with only
masses of damaged muscle,
twitching involuntarily,
as if prostrate
on a cold marble floor.
***
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Thu, 2020-08-20 22:26
Yeah...
Sometimes, the inner-person has been beaten so badly by life that it cringes at every harsh word or gesture. Too bad, that a lot of people don't bother to look beneath the outside presented to the world, to see the beauty within. A great feel for the emotionally battered. I would replace [muscle] with ego. ~ Geez.
.
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Eumolpus
Thu, 2020-08-20 22:41
Good poem
Great public stance about the poorly loved. Focused. Good images and sound. A professional poem
I would eliminate the ellipses...
And perhaps consider the syntax of the third stanza, a bit awkward concerning subject/ verb.
Very powerful close!
Mark
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
Lavender
Thu, 2020-08-20 23:10
Thank you, Eumolpus
I will remove the ellipses. I will also try to untangle that third stanza.
Thank you, again!
L
author commentEumolpus
Thu, 2020-08-20 22:43
..
..
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
Lavender
Thu, 2020-08-20 22:49
Hi, Geezer
It seems there is a lot of division lately, and harsh words just fly out so easily. Anyhoo, this is what laid itself out on my page. Thank you so much for reading!
L
author commentGeezer
Fri, 2020-08-21 09:10
It is...
my pleasure. ~ Geez.
.
Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.
Teddy15
Fri, 2020-08-21 03:21
Dear Lavender
Sticks and stones may break our bone's but actually words can too. Greatly pointed out in this poem. A punch in the head or words that hurt for me are the same. I actually believe that we are all a bit more sensitive This year too. It doesn't take anything to be kind except willingness.
Thank you...Teddy
Lavender
Fri, 2020-08-21 18:44
Hi, Teddy
You are correct - words have the power to do a lot of harm.
Thank you for reading!
L
author commentc lynn brooks
Fri, 2020-08-21 11:43
lavender
the absent words also do harm one said and it can never be taken back or forgotten
good bit of writing here
Our chat room is not only there for Thursday afternoon chat 3:30-4:30
but it is there and ready for all to use at anytime of day come often and hook up in conversation to those across the globe
Lavender
Fri, 2020-08-21 18:46
Hi, Chrys
I agree with you, lack of the proper words can also cause suffering. And harsh words, once spoken, cannot be easily forgotten.
Thank you for your comment!
L
author commentlovedly
Tue, 2020-09-22 00:14
take care of what you say
prostate
or
prostrate
after Covid we can put the whole world
in a frozen state
in a refrigerate
lol
Lav
Lavender
Mon, 2020-09-21 22:25
Hello, Lovedly
Thank you for reading!
L
author commentMark
Tue, 2020-09-22 01:18
What we say is important!
Things happen because of what we say. I'll never be as eloquent as Teddy or others around here but understanding that saying is action and carries a responsibility that cannot hurt is one ethical thing we as adults need to practice.
Very good poem .. deep and rich.
Mark
Please comment anywhere anytime.
Lavender
Tue, 2020-09-22 16:57
Hello, Mark!
Have you heard of "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz? One of the agreements he suggests is to be impeccable with our words - toward others as well as ourselves. Good stuff. I agree with you - what we say is important!
Thank you so much for reading!
L
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