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One Poet's Story

It's 3 a.m.
and the paper is flipping off the pen
Will another verse ever find meaning
or will now just become the newest then?

Another hour
turns longing into a missing day
The pen spits back at the paper
and lends itself to be wiped away

and leaves us with
the silent crow of a morning hen
revealing words from the mid nights shadows
that once were lost, but are now here to stay.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Not one for using explicit words, but should we have Cock instead of Hen? Then the mid and the nights must be drawn together, Midnight's but on reading again either will do.
This is a grand theme, as we sit here looking at the keys or a pen hovering above a virgin sheet, then the VDU blinks at us as if laughing..
Good luck on this one, good write,
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

I am not sold on that line, but hen is what I as going for. That is why the crow is silent. It's a play on words. Mid nights is separated purposely to give a range of time

Thanks for stopping by

Scott

author comment

Your points are good and as we now come to sort it there must be NO changes as the message is clear,
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Hello eightmenout,
I should start by mentioning I enjoyed reading this poem.
addressing each question in turn
1) The title works but might I offer
A Night in the Life.. or, Inspiration.
2) The language is crisp and clear
3) Rhythm had an easy, consistent flow.
4) Poets writing about writing is always a winner.
5) Starting with a bold statement is also a winner.
6) The internal logic works for this reader

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Though I believe the morphing by the end is intended, I would have loved to keep the rhyme scheme set at the first two stanzas as it reads for me as a structured piece rather than a free one.
Oh me! I think I should nit pick on you any way as you asked for a raw truth, however, this one is really lovely.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Rhyme scheme

A,b,c,b
D,e,f,e
G,b,h,e

Or did that scheme just not work?

Thanks

Scott

author comment

It could be only me. I'm not familier with such a rhyme scheme.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

That's cause I made it up

Scott

author comment
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