Poetry from the heart
I like how you crafted your thoughts in your poem.

I respect the popularity and importance rap is having in our times, and I suspect will continue for some time. As a poetic style, it has some commonality- it is often conversational, a train of thought, direct in meaning, often about relationships common to all love poem lyrics. I go often to open mics and see and hear the young generation discussing the intricacies of relationships. It is a type of poetry. It's a good thing, all creativity is good.

What we hope you will get from this workshop is a broad idea of the big world of poetry, and the various things you can do to make your work as original and unique as it can be. We will consider the all important metaphor, such as comparing her to something, your feeling to a "like" or "as". That is the first step you must consider to increase the magic of your words and images.

My suggestion, and that is why you have published here, for suggestion: Try to write a poem in free verse, without rhyme. about anything really, and consider each idea as an image. Thinking of that beautiful hair..what makes it beautiful? - the smell, the feel..? What does it feel like..describe!
that is poetry.

friend
when I was your age
I lost hold of a dozen
I wanted just one

then one who did not want me
was forced to grab me

well as u r a
psy kay artist
you say
read me
you wont need another one
to learn from
and get your PhD Or Dr of Madicine
but avoid
shit and fuck
not poetic words
rap or slap may be
okay also verbally
just a word of welcome from me
known as LOVEDLY

the more guys you read
the lessor time you will have
to read comments on yours
well now come in

MADICiNE
is not a typo

This is good wordcrafting, listen, you can hear it,
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0znCo7txTdO
but it could be more.
That's one of the things poetry is- compression of meaning. There could be more to this.