Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

One Day...

Submitted by scooby on Mon, 2018-05-07 16:45

One day you will leave,
The places that dont let you breath,
One day you will ask,
Where the hell's my mask,
Don't hide your face,
Because one day you will leave this place

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
one day, into a week, into a month, into a year. one day is a long time.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Seren

Fri, 2023-01-13 13:03

Seren's picture

This ones many years old and not knowing you I dont know if you're still around, it's a little pedestrian and needs a lot of work but the skeleton is there if you want some help.

sincerely Jayne-Chloe

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.