Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
The old violin
''As if she's the only one
I'm the only one to stare.''-she whispers
Ask her and she's about to answer
she likes that, simple conversation
in a cafe ''Silhouette'', the title behind
her back in colorful electricity light
This old violin follows her singing
she finishes the first and the violin
goes on only for a bit more, after,
she's humming her dear melody
Like the gold is melting on her
covering her warm, bare skin gently
she's watching her sparkling hands
but for the violin is too late now
And she remembers it everything
and how her love for this old violin
was once new and glittering, that
part of herself served well for awhile
''Hello night my dear
hey how you've been!
I wasn't waiting for you
but knew you were coming soon
I need you for my rest
don't blame me
it's the way of existence
that you're
my slave!''- she hardly speaks
throughout the laugh.
And as she lays her heavy body down
she is metaphorically thinking about
the ordinary things so she can pretend
she doesn't interfere the soul too much
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
raj
Mon, 2014-01-13 15:29
Hi Emina,
Hi Emina,
I find this write having a mystical flavor to it. Good use of old violin as a prop resonates quite well. to emote and communicate the feelings. I notice that you have posted this as a rough draft, which would mean you would be working on it further. I will keep tabs to see the revisions. You may consider using "Colorful Neon Light" in place of "colorful electricity light" in Line 4, Verse 2
I especially liked the closing
And as she lays her heavy body down
she is metaphorically thinking about
the ordinary things so she can pretend
she doesn't interfere the soul too much
Cheers!
raj (sublime_ocean)
Roscoe Lane
Tue, 2014-01-14 04:47
I woudn't,
I woudn't change a thing, i think your use of words gives this a beautiful originality. I liked this very much. Love Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
Esker
Wed, 2016-01-13 16:14
two years
in the mall the symphony player..a violin and cello
first live small concert..I saw...my then fresh long car coat
leather and a striking striped dress shirt...new black jeans
and good shoes...our small city has culture..
student and pupil
she was talented
later in passing the mother encouraged me to see the
group perform in the theatre venue for the arts
and I smiled
a delight to the ears
and tired old eyes
the poem is beautiful
its voice soothing
thank U!