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Old?!

Come and taste the charms of aging   
when solemnness cloaks the air
penning finely wrinkles
along with whitened hair

Come, inhale the purging wisdom
that wraps the golden age
painting rare endeavors
to write on a pallid page.

Come erase the widened sorrow
the years insist to draw
into eyes with laughs
lest tears indwell and grow

Come on, let us ride with courage
Don't shy away a grace
parents went before     
with steps and constant pace.    
 

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I just wonder if the trochaic is working here with the iamb?
Editing stage: 

Comments

A lovely piece of writing, I have written a reply to this one but it is a skit on your words. A skit being a short humorous or satirical piece of writing.
I shall send it via PM first, if you smile once let me know, your poetry is becoming something to watch now.
It is a pity they say, that in English we cannot write the words that the Arabic language shows in feelings.Maybe you can talk about this problem and try to explain where we go wrong..
You take great care of you, Yours Ian

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

reading your "skit" as you call it brought a smile indeed. Some say -other sites- that I am romantisizing the notion and that I don't feel how bad it is . Well may be I am a little not realistic here and let's say I am somehow trying to prepare my self to ride that stage. Aging is never counted by years , some are even old at the age of forty or less while others would not stop giving even at the age of eighty including many poets I know here and other sites . Including also my dear parents . I wish I would be able to give the same they do .
Thanks for the comment and the smile you've drawn .

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

author comment

I really liked this I have to agree with Beau on the rhymes
Nicely done I am getting old so I relate lol

Cheers Jc x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Beau and Seren for reading . I've tried my best . Almost perfect ((I think). Please tell me if you trip over any lines while reading.
Again many thanks.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

author comment

I've edited . Many thanks

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

author comment

"Our parents went before us"
And the meter was better I think?

It's no wonder that aging is reserved for those with years of experience because it's too darned tough for rookies to bear lol. Only thing I'd think about changing would be to swap places with finely wrinkles. .................stan

Yes liked it much better as meter was good

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