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Ode to My Twin

Version#1

How delicate you are on my skin,
for you the weary body weeps.
I owe you the comfortable sleeps.
Loving my pyjama is not a sin.

Virsion#2
How delicate you are on my skin,
for you the weary body weeps.
Loving my pyjama is not a sin,
I owe you the comfortable sleeps.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I wonder if anyone likes version 2 better other than I. I switched the last two lines to have an alternate rhyme of abab?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Hello, Rula!
Another inspiring poem - an ode and in ABBA form? Very much like your sweet title and theme. This is one of the reasons nighttime is so wonderful, and rainy Sundays, too.
Thank you!
L

I don't know if there is a certain form for odes. I read many in different forms you try, so I thought any form will do.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

I don't know if there is, either! I just noticed that yours was abba. I always enjoy and admire structured poetry!
Thank you!
L

This made me laugh! LoL
Not a sin at all!

What's abba form if I may ask yourself or lavender?

Thank you...Teddy

Happy to give you a bit of fun dear.
The abba refers to the ending rhyme. So if you notice the ending words in each line, you'll find

Skin (a)
sleep (b)
Weep (b) as it rhymes with sleep
Sin (a) as it rhymes with skin

So skin and sin take the rhyme (a)
Weep ad sleep take the rhyme (b)

Hope this makes some sense dear.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

Thank you, I wasn't aware of this form it's great

Thank you...Teddy

Would either of you be surprised, that men love pyjamas too? Good tale for a good night's sleep. ~ Geezer.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
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all night or on the other side of the world.
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I always thought that men like women with gowns better, but yes I believe that not all gowns are nice nor all pyjamas are not.
Thank you. Your thumps up (the two of them) are priceless.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

I enjoyed your little ode and yes there is a form for odes just ask the master Alan s Jeeves he is amazing
the ode conjures
feelings of warmth and comfort

Our chat room is not only there for Thursday afternoon chat 3:30-4:30
but it is there and ready for all to use at anytime of day come often and hook up in conversation to those across the globe

Thank you for your kind visit.
I have a good reference for all poetry forms,
you can find here
http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/types.html
And here about the ode
http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/ode.html

but would be grateful for sir Alan Jeeves input

Thank you dear. Much appreciate your kind visit.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

I would say I like the first and original better
I like the thought of sin as the last word, but that's just me. Sleep tight in your PJ's tonight! And dream well of monsters in the closet! (Hugs) lol

Thank you...Teddy

The pyjama's on, monsters out... Everything will be alright :)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

Hi, Rula!
I like both forms of your poem, but I agree with Teddy - it feels as if 'Loving my pyjama is not a sin' should be the final line. Your poem is very interesting - all four lines could actually be interchanged pretty easily in several different orders and still make sense.
Thank you!
L

Thank you. Your comment means a lot!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment

With the knowledge of Lavender is is possible you have created a new form of poetry that could actually be wonderful! Four lines that make a poem every way?

Could be called the four way shaker! Just a thought ladies!

Thank you...Teddy

It would not surprise me if such a form already exists. Poetry is amazing!
L

You're both too kind
Teddy.. your innovation is non-stop dear.
Thank you!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment
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