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Ocean

Why do they compare us to the ocean?
The ocean is free, with waves that go back and forth
Side to side, it's dancing freely
So, why do they compare us to the ocean?
We aren't free like the ocean
Caged in like animals in captivity
We were stopped from being free
Being loved by our soulmates
But when we are free
It feels like the ocean
Dancing back and forth
Side to side, with our soulmates
Why do they compare us to the ocean?
We want to feel free like the ocean
We are free like the ocean

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

There are elements here that remind me of the ocean. The repetition reminds me of waves lapping back and forth. There are ideas here that I would like to see explored more fully - e.g., Who caged us? What does it mean in the last line; I thought we weren't free? Overall, I would like to see the imagery do more of the explaining. I think you have a good start here, with an excellent image to work around. Welcome to the site.

this does remind me of the ocean, but as Arrow says; I would like to know more about how [we] got imprisoned. Who did this?
Why? You have some great ideas, but they need to be more fully explored. Welcome to Neo.~ Geezer.
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Welcome to Neopoet, Tea. I love the theme you've chosen. I also have several questions, but I think they've already been asked.
As to freedom, all of Nature appears to be free, but it's not really. Everything is intertwined, subject to the movements of other natural elements as well as humankind's devastation.
Personally, I don't think human beings are free, as we like to believe. But that's going too far to question here. I only mention it because, as with so many illnesses, my son got ALS aged 22 years. He died at 29. The chances are 2 in 100.000. That's not freedom, he had no choice, did he?
So I agree with you about human beings "caged", as a metaphor and in reality.
I like your rhyming and pacing, as well as the issues approached in your lovely poem.
Enjoyed, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

Hi, I'm new to neopoet as well, I enjoyed reading that very much, one thing I would suggest is possibly changing your title, personally I think 'ocean" seems a little dull and unoriginal and not powerful enough. I loved what you wrote and you should have a title that will really draw people to read your poem.
just a suggestion but overall personally that was all I had to add.
- Mariah

anyone all tall neopoets
so the poem could be better titled
A HOT CUPPA TEA
see so many already lined up for it
let ocean go free
o poet T
you be

to the asylum. The repeated phrase reads like the crest of waves.

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