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Obsession
What is this obsession
with which I feel so strong?
Heart-thump! Soul-fly! Mind’s eye!
Spirits thriving more for!
Sugared coffee mixture,
Icing cream to being.
Musical poetry?
Can not get rid of you!
So in this bliss, one cannot miss
obsession in my possession.
Thus must entrust, just lust encrust!
See I decree, be in with me!
Beginning now, my own future.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
emeka ozurumba
Fri, 2014-10-03 04:34
lyricism extraordinaire..................... !!!!
i love your poems your rhymes are very brilliant and much appreciated. very good exposition
Roscoe Lane
Fri, 2014-10-03 14:54
This i like,
This i like,just one change i'd make and that is line 4 verse 2, I'd try (can not rid myself of you), or (can't get rid of you) Hope this is of help. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.