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The Numinous in Luminosity (Collaborative poem - Pastoral Poetry WS)

Bright brittle light allows no lies
on my country's ancient hard worn lands
where indifferent spirits stay uncaring hands
from us who swarm it like so many flies.
Unlike the misty intimacy of Eire
for the numinous is ever present there.

But come the night over southern skies
the brittle bright light disappears in hued sands
sublime opens high over this outstretched land
as ethereal webs unfold a thousand eyes.
Unlike in the misty intimacy of Eire
the numinous shares the spacious outback's prayer.

On that final day the sun will rise
casting shadows on the red hued sands
where dry streams run in twisting bands
then all there will come to realize
that like the misty intimacy of Eire
there's more than just eyes can see there.
,
,

1 Jess (weirdelf)
2 Judy (judyanne)
3 Stan (scribbler)

Last few words: 
Jess doesn't seem to be around - still in pain methinks - so I thought I'd best post his for him
Editing stage: 

Comments

what poetry form does this one conforms to?

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

art.
Bravo.
That three voices can speak together with such elegance wipes my mind clean.
And to answer your question Raj:
Its stanza are three sextets mostly in catalectic iambic pentameter (though the length of verse varies quite a bit).
There is a loose, but not overpowering rhyme scheme.
That's all.
No classic form, just good poetry.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

thank you so very much for the lovely compliment, Wes
I think all the collaborations worked awesome
There have come some excellent writes from this shop
Love judy

for Raj's benefit - this is actually tetrameter, with only one line in pentameter... .. I know you know this -
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

thank you for the explanation..however largely due to my limitations, i cant figure out why you say this is in tetra meter and only one line in pentameter...if by tetra you mean three...i find many lines more than 3 meters...not knowing too if this form demands unstressed - stress pattern or not...

thanks all the same...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Four feet to a verse
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Is loose, but mostly iambic (ta DUM) and trochee (DUM ta), with some anaepest (ta ta DUM)
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

If I read you correctly, i could be wrong of course so don't feel bugged

But come | the night | over | southern | skies ( four and half?)
the brit | tle bright | light dis | appears | in hued | sands [ four and half?]
sublime | opens | high o | -ver this | outstretched | land (four and half?)
as e | - there | -al webs| unfold | a thou| -sand eyes. [ six?]
Unlike | in the | misty |inti | -macy | of Eire (six)
the nu | - minous | shares the | spacious | outback's | prayer | [six?]

pardon me if i am wrong in understanding of what a tetra meter is..

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

the catalectic verses Wes spoke of - an extra half beat to the verse - still considered tetrameter

In a poem such as this is - not a strict form - one can write different length lines as well as mixing meter if one is careful to keep the rhythm steady

xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Thanks Judyanne for explanation.

In any case I had already apologised in advance...:)

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

I'm tired - I led you astray

those verses are five feet - they contain anaepest feet ( three syllables ta ta DUM)

un LIKE | in the MIS | -ty IN | -tim -A | -cy of EIRE
the NUM | -in -ous SHARES | the SPAC | -ious OUT | -back's PRAY er.

sorry - i'm going to edit my last comment so I don't look such an idiot lol
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

This time seriously do I invite you to Meter is our Friend. In the Wading Pool we will deal with beginning meter. Learn how iamb and anapest work and work together. Poetic feet, length of verse and more will be explained.
Add to that... Judyanne and Rula will be moderating.
I guarantee you will leave understanding meter. I guarantee it.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

His excuse is that he has just started to master the iambic meter. He fears to be confused if he learns the other types at the same time.

What do you think sir?
I tried my best. Your turn. :)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

There Is a type poetry in which one line is repeated throughout each stanza but this is not that form. One of the reasons I made a minor change in the twice repeated line was to display that this isn't that form (as well as to add a bit of impact to final stanza.

I copied and pasted this from your final.... and you STILL missed a word from my part - 'in' was added in the repeating line by me
It is important to the sense of the work
I've just edited

please learn to copy and paste - it's annoying when you copy wrong... and you have done it throughout this write

And I wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't seen your comment
.

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Are you ready for it?
It's made of three stanza and the last line in each stanza repeats.
A double Ballade (yes, there is such a thing... may the fates protect us) is where we have two repeating verses in each stanza. If you think I'm going to teach the double you need to check your tea.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

you just used 'line' for 'verse'.
"It's made of three stanza and the last line in each stanza repeats."
I understand your insistence on the more correct 'verse', however 'line' is more pragmatically useful and descriptive.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

I've gotta get off these drugs or hire a proofreader. That's twice in as many days I've been snagged with a typo. That was just sloppy.
How do you flog yourself? Or is there someway simpler?
Don't ever stop calling me on stuff like that. I whine about proofreading all the time. The chief must do what he asks of his braves.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Thank you Wesley & Stan for taking time to explain.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

work. Is the title of Jess' choice.
I like it. Mysteriously glee.
Good collaborative work!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

we did good, eh!

One minor quibble, Stan, and I wouldn't ask you to change it, is "On that final day". I'm really not into 'end of days' apocalyptic stuff. Or have I misread you?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

The final day is not the end of the world, It's the protagonist's final day. I had considered "on my final day" but thought that sounded a bit worn out. Maybe I should change it to that. In my opinion, since you started this poem you should have final say in editing so just holler if you want it changed......stan

I'm cool with it, your stanza contributed with skill and respect to the poem and I can interpret it to my own satisfaction.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

we did real good
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

me too.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

three such disparate people I think this reads very smoothly

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