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Ninth Dimension

It is so sad to feel this way
The glue has come undone
I see no way to remedy
The twisted side has won

A world that races wildly on
With plundering and shame
The only way to sidestep this
Is play that deadly game

An entity of greed and force
Lives totally aware
Inside my intellect it breeds
Those wicked words of flair

That is the way I capture them
And toy to my delight
That words of beastly attitude
Will mirror their hate tonight

They hold a head above all else
And brag the words of fools
I slither with the arrogance
They give me this black tool

To build the retched ego slab
They gladly climb aboard
But it will be a lonely fall
With sense of self ignored

You see the plight of smugness
Some poets use as bait
To make the unsuspecting soul
Look into their own hate

Or is it just a game I play
To weasel your attention
Slip and slide the darker side
The poet’s ninth dimension

By: K. Mulroney

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

just perfect is this poem I admire your style great work

Thank you. I'm waiting for the fireworks on this one. I know its coming, lol!

Rottie
Pegasus was a genius,
living within a suit of difference.
He liked what he was,
nodded in respect and
simply flew . . . away.

By: K. Mulroney

" I am who I am, say what I say, do what I do. With no apology."

author comment

the rhyme and the pace. There are many levels to this piece, but I don't think there will be many fireworks. It is ambiguous enough that many people won't catch what you are trying to say. I will just comment on the style and the obvious work you have put into it. ~ Geezer.
.

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Critique or comment today!

Thanks so much. Actually I was saying exactly what Steph saw in it. But their are those I know would love to brand it differently as is their right to an opinion.
Thanks again Geezer, always glad to see ya!

Rottie
Pegasus was a genius,
living within a suit of difference.
He liked what he was,
nodded in respect and
simply flew . . . away.

By: K. Mulroney

" I am who I am, say what I say, do what I do. With no apology."

author comment

The last lines brought me to the point of being speechless. Such an elegant ending - the poet's ninth dimension, the wielding of words to a depth and a breadth of meaning that non-poets do not often come upon, nor can they create.

In my humble opinion, I think the punctuation creates more staggering than necessary between the lines, interrupting the flow. Every two verses are followed by a period which grammatically is unneeded. Example:

You see the plight of smugness
Some poets use as bait. (unnecessary)
To make the unsuspecting soul
Look into their own hate.

It kind of slashes right through the middle of the idea/image, see what I mean?

All in all, this is subtle, and a great rendition of the mystery we weave as poets—and how our own emotions and experiences, synthesised masterfully, can render most original and, at times, manipulative insights that those with more "obtuse" imaginations cannot penetrate. Beautiful, dark, psychological poem.

 

Love,
Steph

... to remember what it felt like to have my being set alight
beneath the moon when I was full and I was dancing with the night
when I could see beyond my sight
when I could see beyond my sight

Done Steph, thanks again, it looks and flows much better.

Rottie
Pegasus was a genius,
living within a suit of difference.
He liked what he was,
nodded in respect and
simply flew . . . away.

By: K. Mulroney

" I am who I am, say what I say, do what I do. With no apology."

author comment

Thanks so much for that glowing review. I was not expecting it especially here. You said and explained this poem to a tolerance tight tee! It’s the play in words I so gleefully love doing and will never change it. I want to say it my way but leave it open to others to interpret their own way.

You are right on with the periods. I though about removing them. I generally do not write without punctuation but this poem, as you so graciously noted would have a better flow without it.

Thank you again!

Rottie
Pegasus was a genius,
living within a suit of difference.
He liked what he was,
nodded in respect and
simply flew . . . away.

By: K. Mulroney

" I am who I am, say what I say, do what I do. With no apology."

author comment
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