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Mystic Pizza's Peopleroni Special-(The Knowing and my Darkerer Thoughts)

If my mind is ever present
and my solitude's a friend,
dark ideas lead to actions
darker actions, towards a trend;

a stoic calm is my exterior
never, ever break a sweat,
in the hollow of my inner being
I've this appetite to whet.

Within the chasm where my soul goes
a dank pulsating yearns to start,
tuning out the distant conscience
because I haven't any heart !

Half the time I am the predator
in the darkness after day,
daylight time I am more subtle
for that's when I am the prey.

Careful not to draw suspicion
I've a stealth-like, calm demeanor,
inside my blood runs caustic
for I'm stronger, smarter, leaner.

It happens differently, each evening
my resolve to do things right,
is camouflaged by swift shadows
that accompany each night.

My "Lucy" is my favorite
she always does the trick,
carving cleanly through my urges
where the river flows so thick;

and they never see her coming
I must say, it's quite a gift,
afterwards, there is "the knowing"
and that thrill gives me a "lift".

"Lovely Lucy's" labyrinthian logic
through a haze-like, sort of dream;
plunges gristle 'til the warm flows
in blind panic, so it would seem.

Treasured tempo of her existence
spins a well learned tale out loud,
certain intimate surroundings
houses guests, without the crowd.

Lightning steely flashes sojourn
chiseled features in night's dark,
I deliver Lucy's journey
her arrival, cold and stark !

If my mind is ever reeling
quiet solitude is mine, again;
shadow thoughts link to my actions
will these murders ever end?

Concerned for the state of health
that's housed inside my brain,
relieved for the safety of everyone else
but concerned that I'm insane.

Slowly, I start my day's routine
proud not to be in a "murderer's club",
until I'm shocked past what words could say
as I find a woman's body in my tub!

Dr. Jekyll's mind disassociated
between fantasy and what was real,
what differed in our psyches
was our propensities to feel!

Horrified at what I felt
while my mind, and heart waged "war";
I exited my bathroom
and quickly locked the door.

If my heart is in denial
about dead strangers, and dead friends;
I'm relieved at least to "know" me
maybe someday, I'll make amends.

As things happen, over on the couch
lay my dead bather's coat, and purse.
With evidently, no clues in her coat
I began thinking my plight was worse !

Then, just as I'd anticipated
her purse housed quite a yield,
I now, possessed her address book
plus, a wallet with a detective's shield !

Now, either way my "goose was cooked"
the scenario was crystal clear,
apparently, we had shared dinner
not to mention, several pitchers of beer.

This, "knowing" was turning out to be
way too costly, for this "killer",
in fact, the accountant in my blood
made me think that I should, bill her !

In a mind that's no more comforting
than a dried-up, wishing well;
I find me shackled to "my knowing"
in my private, version of...."Hell".

At times, I've had mornings that were fuzzy
but, not that big of a deal,
that would try and turn me
into a butcher, before my first meal !

A man has to know his limitations
or else learn to drop the ball;
I need everything going for me
what with the economy, and all !

My mind never loses tempo
of the opera playing in my head,
the shadows keep convincing
my heart they're better off dead !

In the hollow of my mindset
my heart justifies my reasoning,
and I wonder where the time goes
as I grab the bags of seasoning.

I grab Lucy and start carving
and her ease makes it not work,
the cymbals crash in my crescendo
I play it again for an added perk.

Ever focused, chaotic Saturdays
I'll just call my hostess, Leeza;
after all, I'm bringing the toppings
for our favorite at my Mystic Pizza !

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I've finished it as a story, sir wesley. What say you....now? doc.
Editing stage: 

Comments

great meter, although mixed
just a couple of lines pulled my read up

‘Within the chasm where my soul goes’
imo this is a perfect example where wesley’s inversion would work well in ‘poeticising the verse
I think, and Wesley tell me if you disagree
'Within the chasm where goes my soul' keeps better meter as well as sounding more poetic

and
‘for that's when I am the prey.’ – for that’s when I’m the prey’ ?

also
‘as I find a woman's body in my tub! - might keep meter better without the ‘as’

typo – I think, unless it is American spelling, then please excuse me
‘I've a stealth-like, calm demeanor,’ – demeanour

lol – just love
‘This, "knowing" was turning out to be
way too costly, for this "killer",
in fact, the accountant in my blood
made me think that I should, bill her !’

and just a tiny thing really, but it still pulls the read up for me is the use of the word ‘heart’ in two consecutive stanzas
‘My mind never loses tempo
of the opera playing in my head,
the shadows keep convincing
my heart they're better off dead !

In the hollow of my mindset
my heart justifies my reasoning,
and I wonder where the time goes
as I grab the bags of seasoning.’

so well done with the rhythm
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

...l must explain. All of those hithers, and dithers ammount to this. I failed @ making this a story....not, once...but, four times ! Hopefully, sir wes'll....(not "whistle")...at the very LEAST; explain where I've gone awry !
Sincerely,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

...ms. judiness............I just LOVE the way your mind works.
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

not being part of the workshop, I hesitate to offer my critique here. I do feel that this tells a good story, but that there are a number of places that the rhythm is just a bit off. I like the theme, the language and of course, the rhyme. You did tell the story and it was "delicious" to say the least! ~ Gee

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A mouth watering tale, but I hate Pizzas so I would have to use a tooth pick to sort out the meat from the rest of the rubbish, This always takes a long time so I end up going out to find some fresh meat,
Yours, Gyps fulvus..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

...exactly, what'cha mean.
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment
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