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My mother

My mother,

seeded by mischance,
a nuggety woman,
cross grained
impatient, full of gall,
slaps my heart with nettles

hits with sticks

so that I will know
just
who
she
is.

My mother

never much cared for children,
charcoal, turpentine and paint
invade the kitchen table and the floor,
thin blades for carving wood
ambush fingers, toes, feet -

stab my hands.

But I still see her shelter little things,
cat bones, tumbled on the moor,
blurred glass, moss coloured,
stones flecked with mica,
small as wrens' eggs.

My mother.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
'My mother' is about the complications of mother/daughter relationships: not every woman wants to be a mother, but once born, children need to get on and work out the dynamics of relationships if they are to survive more or less intact. I believe that complicated relationship also offer rich themes for poetry and writing in general - not always sunny stuff, but interesting. In this poem I wanted to portray a difficult relationship between mother and young child as well as an understanding of a complex and vibrant character seen through the child's eyes.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Thank you very much, I am so pleased to get this feedback. It can be a lonely and uncertain business writing poetry, as I am sure you know. I pared this poem back quite hard to avoid any sense of self pity or sentimentality, but I wanted there to be that recognition of a complex person and her unique character. Thank you again - I am very appreciative of all your comments.

Jenifer

author comment

Beau has said it all brilliant poem

Brava ! Wonderful

Regards Jc xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Thank you. You are such a lovely, affirming person.

Jenifer

author comment

good to meet you as I haven't been to the site in ages. I really like this piece a great deal as there is much to like in it. The spacing of the words in the smacking or beating episode is classic. I.e, the way it's laid out, emphasize each stroke or smack! Well done there, don't know of it was intentional, but clever indeed. Apart fom that Beauregard has captured the essence of what else is good and convincing.
Excellent write!
Regards

Ps. Check out a book called "My Mother, My Self" Nancy Friday. The (not "a" but "the") daughter's search for identity. (i.e. Universal quest for answers)

Bonitaj

Lovely to meet you too, Bonitaj. I did deliberately space the words to emphasise the strokes of the stick. I tried takingthose lines out to make the poem 'softer' -and maybe more accessible to people - but it weakened the structure and the poem as a whole. Couldn't stand it so they went back in. I am glad I kept them. Painful to write, though.

Jenifer

author comment

that you've "processed" stuff Jenifer. The pain that is...
Thanks for sharing!

Bonitaj

how would you and I create poetry
but sad some mothers were cast that way
perhaps they had worser ones
who can that ever say
but a mothers love starts from the womb
about that sojourn i shall convey
some other day...
till then for your mom
still , I exhort you do pray

loved

It's the great experience of people, isn't it: no-one is perfect, people are what they are. For what it is worth, my mother and I have a very good, powerful relationship now. And I am very glad that I have had those experiences to write about, probably has made me a much better writer AND mother!

Jenifer

author comment

this is an excellent written poem
neither falling in abyss
or abysmal

I know many sensitive people
whom lived the gauntlet of much
and chose for the most part to
cherish sensitive things and think
of others...

and the villans who wore the dark
of heart...dug in to their positions
keeping all

surviving long ago I read
was self value
then hope
and empathy for more
then one

In my search of answers
found that creative powers
and the right brain where
all the other behavioral
issues sometimes lie
is a temporal thing indeed

again this poem is well written
and on an elevation of thought
that gives the topic air!!

Thank You!

Loved your comments, Esker. very true. Poetry is such a good medium and it should connect with others. You are a poet in everything you do, and I love the lines 'and the villans'...? Maybe poet people look at the world differently: more sideways than most people. Interesting lot! Thank you again, much appreciated.

Jenifer

author comment

hi jenifer gr8 poem sad but lovely write x

Well, Sueb - you have written such a haunting poem recently which is also so sad...but what a forum to offer these. thank you so much.

Jenifer

author comment

Thank you, Lonnie. Thank you for your comments- it all helps to gently raise my confidence to keep trying.

Jenifer

author comment
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