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To My Friend ( June contest )

My Dear friend,
Time passes and I sometimes cry,
One by one my friends seem to die
Let me at least take the lead this time
I don’t mind, I know the journey will be fine.

But my friend let’s wait a while before I go
There are many things I wish to know
All these years we have known each other
I have loved you so, like one of my Brothers.

It is not of you I need to know, but your Sister
Did you know that I always loved her so?
Time again reared its nasty head.
We separated, sometimes I wanted to be dead.

Here I am many years still clinging on you see
Sometimes regretting what distance did to me
But I found that through all the years away
A memory that holds you both so close today.

Promise me that you both will stay as you are
The distance in my thoughts, is not that far.
I can touch you both easily as day on day
I think of you both there in my loving way.

Tell her, that my love is as it has always been
Pure and strong, no this is no dream
It is the way things have always been
You my Brother, and your Sister my Queen.

I shall leave instructions for you to be told
That I have journeyed on to a place I know
Just to let you both feel, and become aware
That the warm breeze you feel is me, I am there.

Yours, a Brother, and an infinite love always.
Thomas

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This is an age thing, Take care all of you, Yours as always Ian.T
Editing stage: 

Comments

than free style please re look it Ian
you have entered a contest

Thanks for your visit, I have changed this to Western, but what did you think of it .
It is an entry for the June contest but as usual second place will be OK lol, mind you a while back I did win an Arrow head and another time $25 but could never find out how to claim or it was lost through comps some place.
I do it to make up the numbers anyway so we never worry about the outcome.
I wrote this one last evening when I had a space or two lol.
Take care young Bard and thanks again for your visit, Yours as always Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

even raj thinks
they will make a
''''BUG MUST -TAKE'''

AND give u A first

in any case they know u can't or won't claim
I wouldn't either Lovedly
u know enters no more

and geezer re the $25 prize.
You won, you earned them, you should get them.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

The Arrow head was most welcome, there was a mix up some where and the $25 was lost, it was last year I believe and the Prof was sending out the prize.
Not to worry I may win again one day, then I will allocate it to Neopoet funds, as I write just to be, most times, and then to make up the numbers.
Hope you are well out there, not sure if I will ever get to Aussie again, but where there's life there's hope, go well my Bru, and it is great to walk with you,
Yours Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

"It can be free verse or structured"

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

I think this is a very good epistle because it has a conversational tone and very expressive in its content as too the mood of the protagonist is vividly felt...

best wishes for the contest...
....................................................................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

Many thanks for your good comments on this write, I have been a little lazy in writing much of late.
As usual the competition is worth supporting, and I think more of us should take part.
I have been rather busy with family matters of late and our losses and anniversaries have been many, one of the rewards for growing old. You take care and I send my best thoughts to you all there with you,
Yours Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

thought this is an awesome and tender letter dear Ian.
There are many favorite lines as I go on with the reading and I thought the last stanza is fabulous. I don't mind the second place this time :) as you really deserve the first.
Thank you for sharing.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Thank you for your visit, we have been here many times and I never grow tired of your talking to me about writes.
Second place last time was a cruise, so I passed on both first and second places lol.
I hope that you and your family are well out there, am not sure where you are at the moment but as you are writing here I guess that you are safe and in a settled place.
It is Mid Summers day today, but as the years roll by I find that most are like Autumn reaching out for Winter lol.
Not to worry its an age thing, and having lost a few more of my family, I have a tendency of being more grumpy and relying on Memory of the ones I love, or have loved through my years.
I miss them all, some of those still here visit my thoughts each day and sometimes talk to me in script but otherwise it is quiet.
You go out and enjoy each day, and remember with intensity all those you meet and love.
Yours as always Ian xxx

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

Great and beautifully simple letter, heartfelt and sad. Love it.

the words "Let me at least take the lead this time" went straight to my heart.

IRiz

A fictional write though the sentiments are as I would be.

At an age now where near most of my friends have left to journey on, and only one Sister left out of four No Brothers left now out of three I suppose a letter like this could reflect the way of ones thoughts.

Lovely to see you here and your visit is good for my eyes, take care and know we all walk the same pathway, sometimes together, and others where we can see many things,
Yours as always, Ian ..xx

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

Thank you for your kind reply

IRiz

All life has a frequency , rhythm or what ever, so why words should be different, as you say.
I mostly write in a childlike rhyme, but that is only because all those big words evade me.
I was from 15 brought up in Electronics and frequency is the prime feature, without resonant frequencies the world would cease and all things would be frozen in a void, a void so intense that black holes would seem like a child's playground..
Thanks for your visit, it is appreciated, and uplifts my day,
Yours, Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

"It can be free verse or structured".
There were no limitations involved.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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