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My Call's A Cellar Door (Cellar Door WS) with audio

My call's a cellar door
That unlocks my fears
With no rusty hinges
With no wheels to squeal

My call's a cellar door
With vascular veins
With featured fringes
It rules and reigns
Over all other doors
Drawers, attics and stores

https://vocaroo.com/i/s0kk86S3sUrJ

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Could hearts make a cellar door?
Editing stage: 
Workshop: 

Comments

Very nice, but such an opening! First I would split the stanza's

My call's a cellar door
That unlocks my fears
With no rusty hinges
With no wheels to squeal

My call's a cellar door
With vascular veins
With featured fringes
It rules and reigns

They are two connected but totally different images, the space helps set that up.

ok. it reigns....reigns over what? keep going with the train of thought of this poem, just first thing that comes into your head.

The poem you have started has a lot going for it It has established a voice, a theme, the style of images, the form of the lines.....that's the hardest part of the process. The rest is the fun part, just being free in that which has been established.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Your reviews are highly appreciated.
A couplet has been added. Hope that makes a better read.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

This has a very smooth flow at least to my ears. I agree that splitting it into stanzas would make it better but the shop only requires a musical quality and this Does have that

Appreciate the supporting comment.
I thought the piece is too short to split, but as you (masters of poetry) suggested the same, I had to comply. :)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

except to say this works really well in terms of the parameters of the workshop, using aural techniques really effectively.

Wonderful to hear you voice too! Thank you so much for giving us this extra dimension.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Still wish to have it read by you when gears are ok.
Highly appreciate it.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment
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