Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Mother earth

My mother, a giant of a woman could tower over me
But with age, change swept all over her. I saw her depreciating-
The bums that used to bulge like a football ball, emaciated inch by inch,
The breasts, once bulky lost shape, fizzled off like melting ice under scorching sun;
Big thighs reduced to bones, except sinewy ligaments I see, as she picks up buckets
The brown, lively face turned into wrinkles month after month; hair turned grey, hair by hair.
I dare not ask if my mother was ever a virgin girl; I could ask her, but difficulty to execute.

Maybe mother earth was one day a bubbling virgin; with pure water flowing
Trees small and giant littered all over the veldts, the valleys, the mountains
No potholes in the forests, no molehills, no mine dumps, no roads carved along mountains;
No stories of green house gases, no nuclear bombs; neither scrap-hills or scrap metals;
The world could have been a virgin, like my mother, one wonderful morning, the sun still cool then;
Water seeping from the ground, rainbows transcending the sky every day:
Now I look at the earth, I look at the world, could the world have been a virgin?

I dare not ask: the North Pole, the South Pole turning into dry lands,
Desserts expanding day by day, smokes rising from factories into the sky city by city
Gasses emitted from each vehicle, as it trails down every road, lane by lane, world over,
Temperature raising minute by minute, this earth becoming a victim, second by second,
Depreciating; changing physiognomy, changing anatomy, changing value
I dare not ask if the world was once a virgin; and what would tomorrow be like;
Maybe the earth is aging terribly fast, to be buried one day without a single tooth.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


I wish to grow in poetry writing

author comment

a nice theme here, but I'm not sure how to classify what you have written. I see your mother as a very strong personality and you have a tenuous thread tying her and mother nature together. Expand on that, make new allegories and connections. Look at some of the other poets that write of nature themes.
1] Your title- Not very original, but apt.
2] Your language use is good, but look up words you are not familiar with
3] As I said; I liked the theme
4] There was no rhyme, pattern or pacing, it just ran on.
5] The logic is consistant, except for where you dare not ask the world if it was once a virgin.
6] The beginning and the end were not tied up neatly

Don't be discouraged, if you stay here very long, you will improve. You have good beginnings. ~ Geezer

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.