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The most comforting punch in the gut.
Sad slide down the door
Click of the lock,
The thump of my head against the floor
I am so tired of wanting,
Always wanting more
Tears grow cold on my lashes,
Cheeks flushed and hot
The perfect shade of “rejected rouge”.
Its the most comforting punch in the gut,
The swooning passion of loving too much
I would love to hold you tenderly,
Have something quiet and sweet
Yet how am I meant to do that?
When I’m screaming at you to love me?
Stiffly turning to face the outside,
Careful not to move too much
I’ll wrap myself in my own aching arms tonight
I’m so sick of taking up all this space.
All this blood I bled for you.
I’m pale, cold and weak
And it’s gone to waste.
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Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2023-07-05 06:40
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
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Ruby Lord
Fri, 2023-07-07 13:51
I've read your poem a couple
I've read your poem a couple of times now and I felt compelled to say something. Your poem touches on a range of subjects, turmoil, rejection, self destruction, and raw emotion. Your language and imagery are evocative and the opening sets a sombre tone with the 'sad slide down the door' and 'click of the lock.'
But the sentence, 'the most comforting punch in the gut,' gives me the most turmoil as your relationship is laid bare by emotions. The poem is dark and challenging whilst capturing the pain and chaos of relationships and informing the reader of a sense of violence and suffering.
It has a physically strong presence delivered in carefully chosen words.
Well done, I enjoyed it, Ruby :)
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.