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Moon Moment

Submitted by gregwa8 on Sun, 2018-07-29 23:36

the full moon is there
for the lonely

a friendly face
to look into
every so often

singing
or laughing back

don't worry

we're both
golden, kid

surrounded by space
enough still
to realize our dreams

when you've wished
too many times

upon a faulty star,
the moon says

try looking closer

wish upon
me

your blue
or brown eyes

this beautiful
moment

this airy
nighttime

reprieve

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

gregwa8

Wed, 2018-08-01 02:54

gregwa8's picture

thank you, Katie!

author comment

Mikeozams

Tue, 2018-07-31 12:18

Mikeozams's picture

I think the arrangement fits the narrative. Initially, I was lost with the punctuation because I was trying to see it from your own perspective too. I guess it could have been intentional.
Anyway, your poem is cool. In fact, it began to feel like a dance.

gregwa8

Wed, 2018-08-01 02:56

gregwa8's picture

thank you! I could have (should have?) put quotes. but I think it allows it to feel more like something in the viewers mind without them. such a "conversation" should be a bit mysterious, right?

author comment

lovedly

Tue, 2018-07-31 19:44

lovedly's picture

moon or woman
both are comparably beautiful
say o poet gregwa8
what will you do
without either
or both

gregwa8

Wed, 2018-08-01 02:56

gregwa8's picture

thx for stopping by, lovedly

author comment
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