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Moon Haiku

Submitted by gregwa8 on Tue, 2019-03-19 03:43

the moon's the closest
mankind can hope to get to
staring at the sun

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

weirdelf

Tue, 2019-03-19 13:28

weirdelf's picture
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the blindest caused
without a pause
is equal to
that of love

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Geezer

Tue, 2019-03-19 14:55

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Is this your first attempt at Haiku? ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Cloudthings

Wed, 2019-03-20 01:18

Cloudthings's picture

Second read it has even more to say, & that's good poetry.

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

gregwa8

Thu, 2019-03-21 00:05

gregwa8's picture

thanks everyone for the read and comments!

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