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Miriam

Dressed in serviceable spotless robes
Her demeanor savant adept but muted
Anonymous
Softly moving with polished grace
Around the table
Serving the diners
Who deal with her as an afterthought
All the bowls and utensils exactly placed
With pride of touch and inner peace
Her hallmark
Perfection in everything
And grace in serving
Simple caring dignity
There are thirteen this evening
Simple food for rough hewn men
Counterpointed
With curiously gentle principles
Anxious and furtive this night
A momentousness evident
In their glances and speech
Undertones of future dread
She moves invisible among them
Her presence quietly calming
In its predictable choreography
Seated they speak of past and future
Deeds and goals arguing
As only fishermen can
While one sits back and listens
As a teacher would
The dinner finished He stands to speak
My brothers please take this loaf and wine
Share it as a memory of this night
These days past and future
They did as bid and later
In twos and threes
Bade their farewells
Until He alone is left
Sitting in easy fashion
As she clears the table of all left behind
Precious little due to the takeaways
Spirited by each diner for hunger was a constant
She will be fed on the less than meager leavings
He looks and speaks
Your nobility of service does you proud
And lights my thoughts
To the dignity of all who serve
Here take this gift as a token
A simple cup which is my own but is
The icon of your work.
And perhaps in future icon of mine
May it remind you always
Of the dignity of Service your
Deeds this night exemplify
The gift was unexpected
Graciously accepted by one whose life was service
From one whose service was life

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Surly there were thirteen at that last supper, that Mirian served.
If the depiction is right Twelve men and a Teacher.
I think you have written about "The Last Supper"
Your story is good and well written just that little point,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thanks Ian you're right of course.There were thirteen. I missed that entirely!

Thanks again and the correction is made.

Joe

My mind's writing cheques my body can't cash.

author comment

I hope to see you on the odd workshop also,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I like this very much.

Some thoughts...
Line 16, I would use the word "counterpoised"

These lines...

They did as bid and later
In twos and threes
Bade their farewells

seems a little stuttery, to me. Perhaps:

They did as bid and later
bade farewell in twos and threes

or something similar, so that the flow of words is smoother, and the cadence too.

line 29:

As a teacher would

"would" implies that He might be a teacher. I think the word should be "does".

and line 30,

The dinner finished He stands to speak

"supper" instead of "dinner". Not because its usually call The Last Supper, but because "supper", "stands" and "Speaks" are alliterative, and the softer "ess" sounds make the line easier to read.

I have read this several times. Each time is better. The atmosphere you have create is excellent, and I particularly love her name, in the sense of a continuation of God's plans, from the child Moses set adrift on the Nile, to the first eucharist in Ephesus, and completion.

A wonderful story, and a very good poem. Well done.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

Jim your recommendations are very perceptive and much appreciated. I'll incorporate them shortly. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Joe

My mind's writing cheques my body can't cash.

author comment
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