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Mental Prostitute

You try so hard to be someone
then you forget what you've become.
Your day job is a constant frown,
your diadem, a leaded crown.

You strut the streets with oppulence,
yet are not paid your recompense;
you lie, you cheat, just to get by.
alone, you're broken, and you cry.

The world's a stage, but not for you.
You cannot ignore what is true:
You are a broken destitute,
at best, a mental prostitute.

Why wither, when you can regain
the treasure that you still disdain?

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words: 
I really will want your opinion on this poem. It's my latest sonnet, and comes after a difficult time trying to write. *Half feet pointed out by Beau corrected.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Thanks B. I got interested in the sonnet form back when I knew next to nothing about meter, so many of the sonnets I wrote then were not Shakespearean. This one isn't, and though the meter is (or seems to be) largely consistent, and it follows a strict rhyme scheme, I'll pass this on as a sonnet.

I'll correct the lines you pointed out. I'll admit I didn't think of any particular meter to write in. I just continued with what I started and before I was done: poof! A sonnet! :)

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

that's all i know of poetry
ancient but your sonnet is beautiful
really handsome
can i try one ???

loved

I've seen a sonnet that was thirteen lines. By one of the classical poets (Keats? Can't remember). You should try one.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

the seed
do read

loved

You meant "The Mirror"?

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

the seed
poem

a creative verse with no I aspect within
as Jess always says

loved

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