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MASK

MASK

You always were a flower delicate
that withered in the noon-day sun
a heart that bled for everyone

But your eyes were empty and cold
and pierced my soul with venom
in your serpent dance of lies.

Editing stage: 

Comments

would make this poem
MASK

You always were a flower delicate
that withered in the noon-day sun
a heart that bled for everyone

but your eyes were empty and cold
and pierced my soul with venom
with your serpent dance of lies.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

will do, Jess. Thanks for reading ,me, my friend,

joe

author comment

throughout.
I thought some punctuation can be added for a smoother read.
Thanks for sharing

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Thank you, Rula. I will take another look

author comment

exquisite imagery
what a command of the English language
Just lovely
inspirational poetry

Thank you ,dear friend. Always an encouragement.

joe

author comment

read this and then I will delete it
in one breath

read without a break or brake
then see if ur fit

Lovely free advice
rest in peace as you say when I go places my purse goes into pieces I accompany my grand children to various functions and my daughter stares at me wow you have swindled me taken away all that I had saved better next time stay away stay home and with the dog do play but then don't eat all dog biscuits too these are expensive and very few so I relax meditate the doctors come to my gate have you been ill of late I state how did you know they say your blood pressure is so low they give me a few shots and ask for bucks who what the fucks who called them in my neighbours called tom and tin they were rather thin and the doc thought twas I and we were caught of thirty bucks shy my daughter did cry popu now back home you fly So much for the relaxation sir let me not come to your abode so near don't fear my daughter is brave she will be happy to see the neighbours soon in their grave I shall stay have more time to pass away so sir let me for a wee while more in your company stay ere you too pass away...(((((( fun read

We come into this world struggling and fighting and alone; we go out the same way. The extended family no longer exist where loved ones make your passing easier.

joe

author comment

Well done.Got nothing to add. This is already fine as it is.

Alid

Thank you my friend,,,,

joe

author comment

A potent poem like a poisonous draft,
we sense the drama in this, feel the sting.

Well expressed, Love Anni

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Thank you, Anni. Read my comment to Loved. A sensitive and fine heart is he,

Joe

author comment

A good write
expressing something outside of your present state
which makes it that much more,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Yes.

author comment
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