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Making a fire
From ashes of lost love
and bleak autumn tears
she has built a shelter,
where the chilled rain,
as it caresses the brook,
is her only companion.
The rusty mix of colors,
dulled leaves in decline,
speaks well of her heart.
Breathing from her soul
she makes one last spark,
and the campfire is lit.
It cannot keep her warm
it’s just so lovely to look at.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
trekker
Thu, 2018-04-12 18:03
Making a Fire
Welcome to Neopoet it is always good to hear from someone new. I too am from the Netherlands but not in my lifetime. One of my mothers was from Friesland and my father was from another region. I like your piece and can feel the flow which is done nicely. I am looking to seeing more. Well done.
trekker
tyro
Fri, 2018-04-13 03:03
thanks, Trekker for the
thanks, Trekker for the welcome. I live many years in Amsterdam, but am originally from New Orleans,
T
The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight
author commentSparrow
Fri, 2018-04-13 04:30
Tyro
Welcome to Neo and as your first write it was good, great descriptive lines.
Hope you enjoy your stay with us, and I look forward to more of your pieces,
Yours, Ian..
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
tyro
Fri, 2018-04-13 13:18
thanks for your interest, and
thanks for your interest, and encouragement, Sparrow
T
The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight
author commentraj
Fri, 2018-04-13 14:36
Welcome Tyro to Neopoet
I liked your poem which begins with a heartbreak...flows through with emotional turmoil and ends with hope...
Keep writing more..
............................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
chevyvent
Fri, 2018-04-13 14:37
Welcome Tyro
I liked the poem filled with vivid emotions really good you know very nicely done
Mario Vitale
tyro
Fri, 2018-04-13 16:57
raj and Mario, thanks for
raj and Mario, thanks for your comments on the emotionality of the piece.
T
The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight
author commentRula
Sat, 2018-04-14 03:53
Helloooo tyro
and a warm welcome to Neopoet.
A v. emotional piece indeed, and though has that dark sound I like it because it reflects what life is... Life is never always whit, grey and black are there too, aren't they?
Welcome again and thanks for sharing.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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tyro
Sat, 2018-04-14 04:25
Thank you Rula for your warm
Thank you Rula for your warm welcome and comments on the poem
T
The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight
author commentweirdelf
Mon, 2018-04-16 09:23
I think this poem is quite extraordinary, Tyro!
Your mixture of sadness, practicality, hope, and beauty is so subtle and intermixed it is... crikey I don't want to sound over the top but I think it's brilliant.
You have achieved with gentle subtlety a beauty and emotional range so few can do with hammers, nails and glue-guns.
I really look forward to more of your work and your feedback to others.
cheers,
Jess
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