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Low_Battery%

Thank you
but I think I need to sit and charge
all these emotions I'm feeling are draining
and I don't want to feel like I'm complicating
our relating relations, or maybe I'm stalling
'cuz I really really like you
but I don't want to
make it worse

I think Im just tired
a little coursed, maybe even spilling all these
drilling thoughts in my head
I just miss you when Im with you and i touch my face to yours
but its all just a little bit too much for me, and hate what it does to see, you
You’re so beautiful, and don't even try to hide it
you don't even have to try it
but i think I'm a little bit drained

and I just miss you, even though i can kiss you
but I don't wish you
would leave
I just want your company
'cuz I'm running on low battery
and i need you to charge me up
don't go and leave me
I just wanted some seating, with you

now I'm just a little bit out of wack
don't take anything away other than Im sacked
I might be running a little bit low but, I'm high off of you tonight
and it helps when I see you too, oh do, keep me warm
keep me safe
I like the feeling of your face
when it's, next to mine
so please don't shout when I wanna pour my emotions out
its just how I feel

and I miss you even when i kiss you, in my head
it's shouting like a melody I cant forget
and I'm sorry
but I'm on low battery and I cant think clearly
but don't just treat this like another melancholy, apology
I just miss your face, and what it feels like

so I'm sorry when I'm on low battery
I'll just leave you alone
I wont be so prone, to be shown what you used to be
but I miss you when i touch you in my head
and I'm running too low to remember what you said
ill just take it home and forget what it meant
but I'm running on low and i just want to show
how much I miss you, even though I'm with you all the time

I'm sorry
but I'm running on low battery

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
this is my last poem on this site. i appreciate Noepoet but it hasn’t done me any favors, if you want more of my work then go to my allpoetry page https://allpoetry.com/Mr.fantasy thank you
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Hey... I'm sorry to hear this is your last update on the site. I did make an account on the other website a while ago to read more of your poetry.
As for this poem: I think this is really good. There's obviously a lot of emotion, and it's all really clear and evident. It's nice.

I have two things to point out:
The verses: "now I'm just a little bit out of wack / don't take anything away other than Im sacked" are a little weak. I think this is mostly just my opinion, but I find informal language (like "sacked") less appealing, in general. The near-rhyme also feels a little bit forced in my head.

The other thing I wanted to point out was your use of commas. I understand you're going for a caesura, but I think enjambment is a far cleaner method than incoherent punctuation, and it should, mostly, get the same effect as the one you're going for. I used to do the same thing with the commas... I think it's done in songs, and it's fine there, because song lyrics are designed to be aural. But for the sake of written/read poetry, I find that accurate punctuation is far more effective and nicer to read.

I hope this helps. I'm sad to see you go.

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