Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Love is a peace weapon

The seamless seed of beatitude is love,
helplessly for its lushness we all crave.
Love genuine , breeds, nurtures peace;
erects a podium for elegance.

Hate, strife, could be carried in a gurney,
through a long, doomed and return less journey,
into a dark lonely ignoble hearse,
with a great unstoppable speed and ease .

If love across the universe is strewn,
until true blissfulness on earth is known
and everyone of us croons with one voice
from our hearts, harmonious songs of peace.

When we all sow the seed of beatitude,
flawless bliss will be savored in plenitude.
we will cling in assent a warm embrace.
Harmony will reign amongst every race.

And no eyes again shall be shrouded in tears,
for gone will be all frets, angst and fears
from mean affronts of racial differences,
for no more shall we speak with different voices.

Love is a perpetual peace weapon,
differences in a flicker it weakens.
With it racism, dissent, we can impale
and prejudice, strife, sunk in the dale.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

what a call for unity and love

always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing

Thanks Chiori.

author comment

Each poet has a mission to write poetry. Sometimes we try to use it as a liberating expression using the beauty of words and images to express our inner personal experiences, transfer them to a poetic universe which makes them swell will meaning, catharsis, hope. Sometimes we become philosophers using poetry, no logic or other philosophical system, to express truth. Sometimes it takes the place of prayer.
Your poem is like a sermon using a poetic style. Most of the people who read it will be totally on your side, totally agree with you..I, for one, am after all, from the "Love Generation" of babies born 1940's-50's. If you consider your audience, you are "preaching to the choir". So it is not for me to
not compliment you on the work, which is successful in getting the point across.
You must follow your heart. But i would juts like to suggest we take a very hard look at this very modern world we live in, with all the undreamed possibilities of connection and also the undreamed corruption of the human spirit among us. The Beatles sang "all you need is love", Bob Marley gave us many songs too, and we all sang along. I think I have learned we do need more...and to understand this love we must also understand our hate. and to do that, we must understand ourselves. Poetry is one way we can attempt to do that, but we have to dig deep into ourselves.
May I suggest you read Walt Whitman.He sings of himself and the world in such a way as to connect him, his presence, so it is both deeply personal and preaches of hope.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Thanks so much Eumolpus, I so much appreciate this critique.

author comment

Tell me what this changes about the poem for you, if anything, or difference you now feel about the piece.
https://soundcloud.com/neopoet/love-is-a-peace-weapon-by-marvel-godwyn

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Jess, the sound is mute i think there's a problem somewhere.

author comment

Anyhow it works fine at my end. I uploaded the same Mp3 of the recording to Vocaroo, it will be interesting to see if that works at your end.
https://vocaroo.com/i/s0DnMf4pPcgF

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Yes, I did Jess.Thanks.

author comment

Yes, the Vocaroo.com worked ,Jess.Thanks.

author comment

Yes, the Vocaroo.com worked ,Jess.Thanks.

author comment

Hello Jess, there was a stumble in the second line of the fourth stanza.Do I need to make a correction there?

author comment

You need to think about why I stumbled,

My two new critiques will make it more clear. One of poems I was not so keen on on, the other was brilliant.

It is very important to reply to my critique as to where and why you agree and disagree with me.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Alright Jess.

author comment

I see now Jess , the second line is a continuation of the first, and I used "We all" on the first and second line.I hope I am right now.

author comment

small changes can make a huge difference. This is the spirit of Neopoet.
I'm proud to be working with you, Marvel.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

It's my pleasure Jess, and I thank you so much for great effort.

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.