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louis

in the spirit
of two mud siblings
black face was white
white face was soot
therefore the straw thaw

minerals of transmutation
complex nonentity
convex into wreck
dispirit eyes
Ewing of the bulrushes
the birds jargon

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
this poem indicates that the colour on ones skin doesn't matter
Editing stage: 

Comments

in the first stanza most of it makes sense, except for the last line - what is 'straw thaw'? It makes no sense.
The second stanza is just a mish-mash of words that don't honestly make any sense, so I would re-write it, if I were you.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

straw is the beak used to nozzle racism ,and thaw is when that straw if finally melted by the procurement of death, so the straw melts and one becomes impotent to such contempt of knowledge cos it least matters by then

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