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Lost with You

I wanted to be yours,
your preferable rose,

your poetry,
your muse,
your prose,

your shrine,
your morning shine,

your diction,
your science,
and fiction,

your zeal,
your hope,
and feel,

your season,
your wind
your reason,

your ring,
your smile
and spring,

I wanted to be all
when there came
the fall.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This is Stan's Idea. I feel more in my comfortable zone here, that's why I've posted two pieces. Wish you'd all bear with me.
Editing stage: 

Comments

I read it with the AND then without those three and's substituting them with the "your " already being used, I think that this is better to me with all the "Your" or am I missing a reason for those three???
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I thought this is too bad to receive any comments LoL...
No secrets here, I used the ands just to break the repetition of you only, so what do you think? I've tried both myself and was more happy with those ands but I shall read through again and look into your take.
Thanks for the visit.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

I like your rhyming structure - and I very much thought the ending had a powerful impact.

Well done.

Thanks for sharing.

LOve Mand xxxx

I'm really happy you thought the ending was good. I was proud of it myself.
Thanks for your kind visit.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment

Stan's- a rhyming poem
with ababc rhyme pattern
emotion : loss, of a loved person, place or lifestyle
idea : the loss should be conveyed on secondary level and poem should be written by somebody who is intimidated by rhyme

The have only covered
emotion : loss, of a loved person, place or lifestyle

I am glad you did another one.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

I didn't think that we had to stick to it.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

You can write any poem you like in the Stream.
Workshops are for trying to expand our poetic abilities,which are truly human.
Here you are expected to try really har dto look into other ways of expressing yourself and,most importantly,expand your own humanity by exploring other's ways of thinking.

I should have been Shark Pool.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Stan's- a rhyming poem
with ababc rhyme pattern
emotion : loss, of a loved person, place or lifestyle
idea : the loss should be conveyed on secondary level and poem should be written by somebody who is intimidated by rhyme

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

this implies withdrawing it from the workshop
Done.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

thoughit could need major revisions

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

I appreciate any suggestions.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

which of these do do feel you have achieved in this poem?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

I think i well met the idea, the emotions and it is structured but not the rhyme scheme where I thought some modification won't hurt.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Each concept asked for an idea, and emotion and a structure.

Stan's was
Stan's- a rhyming poem
with ababc rhyme pattern
emotion : loss, of a loved person, place or lifestyle
idea : the loss should be conveyed on secondary level and poem should be written by somebody who is intimidated by rhyme

Your rhyming scheme was aba
emotion was conveyed well
he also asked for the loss to be conveyed on a secondary level. This was first level, meaning you didn't tell a story to convey the meaning.

1 out of 3.

I don't want to be a fascist, but it is considerate and part of the exercise to include the whole concept when you write your poem.

If you can't meet Stan's concept either re-write it or admit it didn't meet requirements. No need to delete it. Others can learn from your mistakes.

This a workshop where you attempt to extend your abilities, not a place to post poems you might well have written anyway. You can do better.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

1 out of 3 means I've failed this one completely ::). I think I have missed the meaning of the secondary level thing. I should have asked but unfortunately I didn't.

I won't deleted though. Do you think I should re-include it within the workshop poems so others would learn, or is it ok to keep it outside the workshop? Please advise.
Thanks for the lesson.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

If we were to delve into why the popularity of poetry has wained over the years, it would come down to a lack of understanding. In today's society, it's instant gratification. Catch my attention quickly or lose me forever cries our youth. I've seen it in high schoolers, traditional college students and young adults. I have three well educated children who could care less about poetry...but, after reading this to my daughter of 26 and 29, they were like---wow---that's powerful. What else does she write. Me, at 61...I loved it! Sometimes when we step out, we step in, step on, step over it; however, regardless of what anyone says negatively...you stepped through the door and brougt a piece of genius with you. Oh, I know. What do I know? Let me say this. For personal reasons I recently sold my antique and curiousity shop called, "The Bizarre Little Corner". It was bunched in among 8 other shops and over the past two or three years the others complained about poor sales. "The youth of today just aren't interested in antiques", they bemoaned. However, my shop was hot! I out sold everyone! Why? I designed the shop with an appeal that captured them...it was called uniqueness, odd, strange, different and intriquing. This powerful piece appeals...you go girl!

"What else does she write?"
This is a compliment I've never thought I'd hear. I am really flattered.
Thanks for dropping by such a very kind visit.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment
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